Confucius Says: "Words are the Voices of the Heart"

I love words.

Good thing, I suppose, given my chosen and hard-fought-for occupation.
Every time I sit down at a keyboard or have a pen poised over a blank sheet of paper, I feel overwhelmed with excitement, with possibility, with anticipation. With a few key strokes or swipes of a pen, you can find the right combination of words that can make someone LOVE you.

Conversely, you can break a heart, manipulate a mind or sever an allegiance…all with those same strokes or swipes. Think about that. Legends are immortalized because of words. Nations go to war over words. Couples are united in matrimony with words. Hearts and lives are shattered due to words. The power they wield is, in a word, awesome.

For example,


“Every time I come around the corner and see your car in the driveway I get sick to my stomach.”

I was 17. I sat on the couch during yet another face-off with my mother when she let that magical little sentence fly out of her mouth, effectively shattering any sense of comfort and belonging I may have been clinging to at the time.
I was 17. It hurt.  Quite a lot, actually, although it's kinda hard for me to admit that, even now.
I’m 49 but I can hear those words in my ear as clear as if they were uttered 10 minutes ago. I can’t say that it was those exact words that led to the eventual, unsurprising demise of my relationship with my mother, but I know it was certainly a huge chunk out of the already crumbling foundation. It stands, to this day, as one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me.

But, as I said, words are powerful. They have healing properties.
 Let me give you an alternate scenario.
 I was visiting a friend at what is now, TCNJ (then it was Trenton State College).
My boyfriend of about a year had just broken up with me, quite unceremoniously, at a party the night before. I was feeling kind of blue, just sort of moping around the campus waiting for my friend’s class to end. While aimlessly wandering through the bookstore, I saw an old friend from high school, a guy who graduated a year ahead of me.
We got to talking about life after high school and what my plans were, and all of that idle small talk, when he looked me right in the eye and said,
“Well Cass, the thing is, I hear you’re an excellent writer.”
...
"uh..wut," was what I was thinking although not what I said.  I didn't talk much back then (thank God, lol)

What followed is not a Cinderella-like ending of fairy-tale romance between Matt Opacity (that was his name) and your Lang teacher because, I mean, come on!

We didn’t fall into each other’s arms and swear undying love—it wasn’t even a romantic moment.
He wasn’t trying out a brand-new pick-up line or even trying to soothe my bruised, dumped ego.
 It was a simple declaration that I am quite sure he would never even remember saying all these years later.

But it’s impact on me was and is undeniable. Because of him, when I went back home, the first place I looked for a summer job was at a local newspaper called The Sandpaper. I landed a job as a stringer and at the tender age of 18, got my first ever piece of writing published. I even got paid for it! (It was an article on Tonkinese cats—don’t laugh!) Such is the power and the beauty of words.

So, that is the focus of this week’s blog question. I would like you to think about conversations you have had, arguments in which you’ve been embroiled, moments of bliss you have experienced. They all have one thing in common—WORDS.

The Yin: What is the worst thing anyone has ever said to you?
Why do you think it was the worst thing?
 How did it make you feel?
And for the Yang (because there always is one):
What was the best compliment you have ever received?
Who said it?
Why do you think was it was the best compliment?

And finally, perhaps even MOST IMPORTANTLY,
 reflect on the fact that you highlighted these two particular comments.
What do you think your choices of what was the best and worst thing anyone could say about/to you reveal about your personality?

Reinventing the Definition

Mid January--can you feel it?
 It's that unmistakable feeling that things are slipping through your fingers even though t i me i s   s tand  i   n  g    s   t  i  l  llll.   No? Just me? 
Ok then.

So, let me take you to a place (in your memory) you may have been countless times in your life--I know I have.
Your telling someone--your best friend, significant other, parent, teacher or whatever--a story.
It's a great story, rife with vivid imagery, and catchy dialogue, and suspense, and all the hallmarks of a great story. And then, you get to the best part, the juiciest detail, the apex of this recount that is going to knock your listener right on his or her butt, and you are trying to describe this one moment

...and
...and...
you can't think of the word to do that moment justice.

You are literally stumped for a word and  so you end up going with some lame synonym that pops into your head (probably from Bunje's damn SAT Vocab list) but you know that your story falls flat and sounds lame because that was SO not the word you wanted. Ever happen to you? Why, do you think?


Well, I have a theory. It's in its nascent stages, but a theory nonetheless. I have procured said theory by perusing ( a word that does not mean what many of you think it means, incidentally) The Global Language Monitor.
This site is dedicated to tracking trends in language, specifically the English language, and it is chock full of all kinds of fascinating facts about word etymologies, global trends, colloquialisms etc. It's really cool, especially if you're a geek like me (and many of you are--don't even try to front).

Anyway, it was while I was on this site today that my theory began to crystallize about why we, at the worst possible moments, are suddenly at a loss for words.

According to the GLM, English passed the 1,000,000 threshold on June 10, 2009 at 10:22 am. Know what the millionth word was?? "Octomom." Guess how many we have now?

1.737.215.7750


It's an pretty impressive number by any standard, especially when you consider that the French Language has fewer than 100,000 words total. The average human has approximately 14,000 words in his or her repertoire. Shakespeare had 24,000--1,700 of which he made up--floating around his brilliant brain.
Man, I love that guy.

So, all this to say..what? Well, even with all of those words zooming through the ether, the bottom line is there is sometimes no word to describe, define, pinpoint or whatever, the "undefinable." That's why we can't finish the story in the scenario I mentioned earlier.
Undefinable words usually fall into one of three categories:
 feelings,
abstract concepts,
and
phenomena.

When I say feelings, I mean like, that sensation that washes over you the first warm day after a long, cold winter when you are driving in a car with all the windows down and radio tuned into your favorite song.
Or, the feeling you get when you just get your crush's phone number and you're staring at your cell phone, sweating, pacing, wondering if you should start to dial.

Occasionally, mixed in with feelings are some abstract concepts, like the idea of strength, character, courage etc.

And I know we have all experiences some weird phenomena-type occurrences that we write off as "coincidence" which is a catch-all word that doesn't really encapsulate the notion. 
For example, when someone you know gets pregnant suddenly all you see are pregnant women or maternity stores or baby paraphernalia.
Or, when you buy a new car you begin to notice that there are 4 of that same car within a mile of your house.
(There's a psychological reason behind all that supposed "phenomena" but that's no fun, right? lol)

Anyhoo, all of these things I am talking about--and so many more--despite the much-vaunted number the GLM is broadcasting about the English Language, simply do not have a word that really captures the essence of their true meaning.

That is, until this blog.

Your task this week, Langers, is to put a word to those notions, concepts, feelings and/or phenomena.

So, first I want you to think of one of those moments--the feelings, concepts or phenomena that you personally have experienced.
Then, I would like you to talk about the "synonym" that would closely describe it, even though you know in your heart that synonym doesn't do it justice.
Then, in a whimsical fit of language acquisition, I want you to MAKE UP a word that would better describe what you're talking about. Hell, if Mary Poppins can do it, why can't we?

I'll go first. 
So, the aforementioned sensation of driving in your car with the windows down on the first really warm day after a long winter--
synonym that kinda describes it but not really--"lightheartedness" ugh.  Very boring.
The made-up version??  "summercipatation"  which is a on-the-spot hybrid of summer and anticipation.  Now--you go!

Last Guys Don't Finish Nice

I am a Robert Greene fan.

<crickets....>

...someone from afar cries out, "who?!?"

Well, then. 
I guess this warrants further explanation.

The 48 Laws of Power, The Art of Seduction, The 33 Strategies of War (I don't have the one he wrote with 50Cent) are all displayed prominently on my bookshelves, and the abuse each one of them has taken (bent pages, cracked spine, coffee spills) would indicate that I've read them several times.
So, you guessed it--Robert Greene is an author.

Further, it comes as no surprise (well, to me I mean) that I am feeling a bit cynical this evening, and for that, I apologize; I think that my internal struggle with cynicism thanks to Greene may have influenced this week's intellectual proposition.
I shall let you be the judge, however, as to whether or not this was a good or a bad thing.

As many of you know, and if you didn't you do now, I am not that into "people."
There are a select few I would ever willingly share time with, and more often than not, it shows.
The true friends (not the acquaintances--you have to have those or it's really hard to survive in the world as an adult) I have are friends I've had for quite a while--it's not always easy for me to make new ones and frankly, I don't often (ok, probably never) try.

But, don't misunderstand me--I know that this is not considered "normal" and I often wish that this aspect of my personality were not so deeply rooted .

Now, before I go any further, I feel it pertinent to actually define what I mean when I say "people."
So, here it goes, for lack of a more...academic definition:

PEOPLE: Individuals who are not kids (and yes, I realize the absurdity there since EVERYONE was at one time, in fact, a kid--I never said my appeals were to logos);  mostly over the age of 30 and under the age of 80 (for some reason, I find the elderly fascinating).

And there you have it--the definition of people in the world of Cassie Bunje.

This rather pessimistic and certainly asocial view of the human race is not something with which I was born, however, I feel that it began cultivating itself at a rather young age.

My childhood was not one to be looked back upon wistfully, and it didn't really get much better as I grew into young adulthood. This was due, almost entirely, to my interactions with and observations of, you guessed it--people.

In fact, until I became a teacher, I held out very little hope that I would ever be able to gaze upon the face of another human being without a hint of scorn, mistrust or distaste. True story.
Truth be told, and this is not me being dramatic at all--you could probably accurately say that teaching saved my soul. More on that later.

So, back to today (Tuesday) and the churning maelstrom (look it up) of pessimism taking hold of me.
 In my reading earlier ( I was searching for a quote from Greene and forgot which book it was in--so I skimmed them all), I happened upon an interesting quote.

 I would like you to read and reflect on this quote, and tell me what you come up with in terms of whether or not you agree with what it says, and what it even means.
As always, qualify your answer with an anecdote of personal (or not-so-personal--whichever you prefer) experience to help illustrate the point you are making.
Here it is:

"Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait."  --Robert Greene

Have fun, my pumpkinsunshinefaceheads...

Tabula Rasa

Whew.
So, it's over.  2019--the year of...well, there are really too many adjectives, verbs and hyperbolic phrases that could be inserted there, so that's where we should start.

I am a huge fan of moving forward--I don't even like to put my car in reverse if I can help it--true story--but I also recognize the value of taking a backward glance from time to time. I mean, how else can you see:

1) how far you've gone
2) how much you've left to go
3) where the twists, turns and pot holes in the roads were

Now, for me, of all of those, #3 means the most.
 Like I said, I am a fan of moving forward, but most of the time, the natural enemy to forward thinking or really any kind of positive progression, is repetition.
The repetition of a mistake is the most obvious deterrent to progression because it usually means going backward, but even repeating things that worked out for you can be detrimental to progress because it could mean that you are comfortable and not taking any more risks, and then, consequently, you can't "really" progress.
Personally, I like to see where things went bananas for me, or where I made a wrong turn, or how taking the shortcut would've helped me had I only listened to someone else.

So, usually right around now, I allow myself the time I need to take stock of my personal and professional situations.
I should do this more often than just the start of a new year, I know this, but something about the symbolism of starting at 1 just speaks to me, like the name of this blog post--tabula rasa.  For you Latin aficionados, you recognize this, no doubt, but for those who do not, TABULA RASA is Latin for "blank slate."  A fresh page. 

What I noticed I did way too much last year was to let things that were either out of my control, or not really fixable in the first place, define who I was.
 As a result, I spent too much of 2019 feeling like a colossal failure.
Thus, for 2020, I have decided to form BOTH an interpretation, and a life plan from something I read by accident over break.
It was a quote from a long-dead German author named Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (that G name is actually pronounced "Gert-A), and it states:
 "Things that matter most should never be at the mercy of things that matter least." Read that again.
I am trying to find a sign that says that, but so far, no luck.

Now, its your turn.

First--I want you to fill in that sentence I started at the beginning:

"2019--the year of ____________".
Explain your choice.

Second, of the three reasons I listed for why looking back is good, which one do you see the most value in and why?
Explain in detail.

Finally, moving forward, in whatever area of life you want to focus on, how would you like to proceed that is AT LEAST marginally different then whatever you did last year?
Explain your plan.

32 Words in Eskimo, so--Where did WE go Wrong?

So, I've been thinking. 
Sometimes that happens. 
And when it does random topics whirl through my mind like mini cyclones, and sometimes in order to make sense of these thoughts I will write them down.
 In the chaos and the tumult that is my mind, the ability to stop time by capturing those thoughts and depositing them on a page  is invaluable to me, and so, here we are.

The word "love" gets thrown around so much on a day-to-day basis, it's a wonder the letters haven't broken off and gotten lost forever. Or--have they? How often do you say you "love" something as silly as a pair of shoes, or a song, or an ice cream flavor?

I have many favorite novels and one of those is The Secret Life of Bees.  It was remade into a movie with Queen Latifah.  Meh. 
Anyway, set in the 60's at the start of the Civil Rights Movement, there is this matriarchal character in the story named August (think of the vocab word).  She is one of the so-named Calendar sisters in the book (the others are named May and June and there was once an April).  August takes in a 14-year old runaway, the main character in the story, and her name is Lily.  Like most storylines of the ilk, August is wise and weary and capable of great one-liners.  And this is one of them:
On page 140, August tells Lily,"We are so limited, you have to use the same word for loving Rosaleen as you do for loving Coke with peanuts. Isn't that a shame we don't have more ways to say it?"  
Before this, she (August) is lamenting the notion that Eskimos have 32 different ways to express love, yet, we are tied to the SAME word for, literally, everything.  Hence, the title for this blog post.

The first time I read that line (Summer of 2005) I pondered it for hours afterward, desperate to find another word to replace the one that should remain sacred.
And came up with....exactly nothing.
 It has never been far from my thoughts since then.


So, your challenge for this week, poppets, is to dig deep inside yourself and think about what it is that you really love. In order to do that, I think it would be beneficial to start out with a working definition of what love is.
 How would you define it? What characteristics would be a good representation of it? And then, at long last, ask yourself..."What do I love?"
Does putting a classification on things you have previously said you "loved" change your perspective on what the meaning of love should be?

"I Am Whatever You Say I Am..."

Pretty sure that is a super old Eminem song.... Don't judge me...

That one line always stuck with me.  I don't know why.. Well, maybe I do.
When you think about it, other's perceptions of us often turn out to be true--even when we don't want them to be.
 We can explore this idea later, and we will, but for now, just this.


How many times have you said to yourself, and for that matter, to anyone who would listen--"I don't care what anyone else thinks...".

I know I've said it at least once in the past month--please note, today is the second day of the month...so...yeah, already said it.

 In our heart of hearts, though, do we really believe that?

It seems an age-old question, but it is one that may not have just one answer: to what extent do other people's perceptions of you have an impact on the decisions you make?

Peer pressure, parental pressure, self-imposed pressure, all these outside, or inside, forces have the potential to make you act, or react, in ways that you normally might not if never exposed to those influences.
My question is: Why? Why do we care?
Why is it important?
Why do other people's perceptions or expectations of who we are have so much of an influence on us?
Or do they?
Be honest with yourself when you answer.
After all, it's just us so you can be honest here.

Giving Thanks...Uhh...Or Something....

So, this year, this whole 2019 thing? Yeah, it has NOT been kind.
To any of us.
At all.

And, when things don't go well, when we're sad, when we think the universe is conspiring to ruin our good times, we tend to do a few things.
We mope, or we complain, or we point fingers.
It's rare that when life hands you lemons, you give thought to the best lemonade recipe you know, even though that's what we try to do, and it might even be what we say we do.
 It just does not always work out like that because it's hard to see our way out of things when we are stuck IN the thing...ya know?

What I want to be able to do, ideally, is look at a situation as an OPPORTUNITY.
Even those situations that are working my nerves--I wish I was  able to be THANKFUL that I have a situation that can really test my problem-solving skills.  What if I had NO situations?  Worse--what if I had no skills???
I should consider myself lucky that my life is interesting enough to even HAVE situations, and the logical processes necessary to deal with them. Wouldn't that be awesome? If I could look at it that way?
 Imagine how my perspectives would shift about everything.  Nothing would be awful because everything would be a lesson in which I had a chance to learn something.
Arghhh.  If it only it were that easy, right?  I know!

So, bottom line, I wish I was thankful for ALL opportunity, not just the ones that may provide immediate, tangible benefits.  If I were thankful for ALL opportunity, it is likely that my life would be better

So...your turn.
What do you WISH you could be thankful for? How would your life better if you were thankful for it? How come you're not?  Can you see any way to change your own mind about it?