I love words.
Good thing, I suppose, given my chosen and hard-fought-for occupation.
Every time I sit down at a keyboard or have a pen poised over a blank sheet of paper, I feel overwhelmed with excitement, with possibility, with anticipation. With a few key strokes or swipes of a pen, you can find the right combination of words that can make someone LOVE you.
Conversely, you can break a heart, manipulate a mind or sever an allegiance…all with those same strokes or swipes. Think about that. Legends are immortalized because of words. Nations go to war over words. Couples are united in matrimony with words. Hearts and lives are shattered due to words. The power they wield is, in a word, awesome.
For example,
“Every time I come around the corner and see your car in the driveway I get sick to my stomach.”
I was 17. I sat on the couch during yet another face-off with my mother when she let that magical little sentence fly out of her mouth, effectively shattering any sense of comfort and belonging I may have been clinging to at the time.
I was 17. It hurt. Quite a lot, actually, although it's kinda hard for me to admit that, even now.
I’m 49 but I can hear those words in my ear as clear as if they were uttered 10 minutes ago. I can’t say that it was those exact words that led to the eventual, unsurprising demise of my relationship with my mother, but I know it was certainly a huge chunk out of the already crumbling foundation. It stands, to this day, as one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me.
But, as I said, words are powerful. They have healing properties.
Let me give you an alternate scenario.
I was visiting a friend at what is now, TCNJ (then it was Trenton State College).
My boyfriend of about a year had just broken up with me, quite unceremoniously, at a party the night before. I was feeling kind of blue, just sort of moping around the campus waiting for my friend’s class to end. While aimlessly wandering through the bookstore, I saw an old friend from high school, a guy who graduated a year ahead of me.
We got to talking about life after high school and what my plans were, and all of that idle small talk, when he looked me right in the eye and said,
“Well Cass, the thing is, I hear you’re an excellent writer.”
...
"uh..wut," was what I was thinking although not what I said. I didn't talk much back then (thank God, lol)
What followed is not a Cinderella-like ending of fairy-tale romance between Matt Opacity (that was his name) and your Lang teacher because, I mean, come on!
We didn’t fall into each other’s arms and swear undying love—it wasn’t even a romantic moment.
He wasn’t trying out a brand-new pick-up line or even trying to soothe my bruised, dumped ego.
It was a simple declaration that I am quite sure he would never even remember saying all these years later.
But it’s impact on me was and is undeniable. Because of him, when I went back home, the first place I looked for a summer job was at a local newspaper called The Sandpaper. I landed a job as a stringer and at the tender age of 18, got my first ever piece of writing published. I even got paid for it! (It was an article on Tonkinese cats—don’t laugh!) Such is the power and the beauty of words.
So, that is the focus of this week’s blog question. I would like you to think about conversations you have had, arguments in which you’ve been embroiled, moments of bliss you have experienced. They all have one thing in common—WORDS.
The Yin: What is the worst thing anyone has ever said to you?
Why do you think it was the worst thing?
How did it make you feel?
And for the Yang (because there always is one):
What was the best compliment you have ever received?
Who said it?
Why do you think was it was the best compliment?
And finally, perhaps even MOST IMPORTANTLY,
reflect on the fact that you highlighted these two particular comments.
What do you think your choices of what was the best and worst thing anyone could say about/to you reveal about your personality?
A lot of people say things out of anger, however there is one moment in time where someone went way too far, and I'll never forget it. I once had gotten into an argument with someone who I didn't have the best friendship with, and this person said "The way you think is autistic." When they said this, I was in the middle of explaining how I felt. This one person would never let me speak, and when I finally had a chance to speak my mind, they shut me down with these words. Although this made my stomach turn and my cheeks red with anger, the absolute worst thing that someone has said was not saying anything at all. I opened up, and they shut me down. It made me feel as though everything I just said was a waste of my energy, and all the effort I had put into that relationship to have it continue to build and grow stronger just melted away. It made me realize that you have to watch who you confide in, as well as who you keep close. On the other hand, the best words that have ever been spoken to me is "You've grown so much, it's truly inspiring." Over the summer, many people began to think of me differently. My mindset had completely changed, and I'm no longer the stuck-up, attention-seeking girl that I was. They started seeing me as someone whose mature and determined. I think these situations have changed me for the better because they both have taught me what to say, and what not to say to people.
ReplyDeleteIn blind fits of rage, a certain someone has said some very cruel things. I've been blamed for a lot of things I couldn’t, can’t, control. However, it never affected me in the way you would think. I'm a spiteful human being, driven by what people don’t think I can do. What she said that day, it was mean, it hurt just a tad, but It only drove me to do better. I think its why Im able to take constructive criticism, not well, but better than others. With all the bad, the same individual has said one of the best things to me. I don’t remember it word for word, but it was something along the lines of “You did good..You’ll be a fine adult..”. Something like that, but just because I don't remember all of it, it doesn’t make it any less important. I think the two statements show im forgiving, and only a bit family-oriented. It shows that I can be hurt too, even though I don’t show it. I think it’s important to remember that.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, I was always surrounded by unfiltered mouths. Family, friends of family,that I watched interact with each other as a child, were never appropriate role models. They would speak their mind however and whenever they wanted, I’ve witnessed many fights. Thinking about the worst thing that someone has said to me, my old step father’s words fill my thoughts. The words roll down my spine and causes my heart to ache… “you’re a bitch, you’re going to be nothing but just like your mother.” It hurts just typing those words even though they were said to me when I was thirteen years old. I was young and I was emotional because another fight had just broke out. Things between my mother and her husband seemed okay, never good, but just okay enough, enough to be able to have a sense of what a normal family is supposed to feel like. Looking back, now not having seen this man since the beginning of freshman year, I think about my feelings towards him. I loved him, he was my father figure for four years, the four years that I have matured the most. I hated him, he was abusive and he made my life hell.. he turned the one person who taught me how to love, the person that I loved most into someone completely different. He caused so much damage but yet I can still say that I loved him. He would often say usually during an argument “you’re going to realize how much I do once I’m no longer around”, was he right? Do I associate him with the feeling of love because of all the ‘good’ he has done, like stepping up and becoming a father figure? All days weren’t bad, there were some good days. We went to amusement parks, we bonded over the love for sneakers, we would have deep discussions, he taught me things about life that no one else ever could. He had faith in me, he knew that I was going somewhere in life.. so why would he say those things to me? And the sad part is that he has absolutely no idea how badly those words affected me. Only God knows what he is doing with his life right now, he has no idea that I’m sitting here writing this blog for lang about something he said one night. He doesn’t understand that those words stuck with me. I believe that this reveals the reason to why I am so devoted to being something good in this world, I don’t want to be like my mother, I want to learn from her mistakes. On a more positive note, the best compliment someone can say to me is telling me how proud they are of me. There’s just something special about the words that my mother wrote in a Valentine’s Day card, “I am beyond proud of the young lady you are becoming”, that fills my soul with warmth. I was also thirteen then. We had just moved to a new house, a better neighborhood, I was getting adjusted into (yet again) another school, I had just found out a few weeks before that I had gotten accepted into Central, things between my mom and her husband were calm, and it was Valentine’s Day. I remember waking up for another day of eighth grade, it was probably my second or third day at this new school. I rolled out of bed and I opened my bedroom door to see a basket of candy, a Valentine’s Day stuffed animal, and a card where my mom wrote me her message signed from both her and her husband. I never expected to have a gift waiting for me, I thought that it was going to be another regular day, another regular holiday, but my mom turned it into something special.I believe that this reveals the fact that I am a person who needs to be reassured. I often question everything and once I start to feel the tiniest bit of doubt, I automatically shut down causing me to not believe what is being said.
ReplyDeleteThere´s a lot of words or actions that have hurt me before. I was stuck between, ¨you´re fat¨ or, ¨you´re going no where in life¨. Some people might think that what they say is a joke but to some people it´s not a joke and it could be actually hurtful. I´ve had people tell me those two phrases before as a ¨joke¨, but it actually really hurt me. It just sucks when people pick on others for their weight or body because everyone´s different and has their own stories nobody knows behind closed doors. The, ¨you´re going no where in your life¨ probably hurt me more because I´m not as smart as everyone else and I don´t comprehend on things as quick as others do. But, I really wish I did and I do actually want to have a successful life and go far. So it hurt me by hearing somebody saying that to me. It made me feel a lot more insecure than I already was and when people tell me stuff like that, I tend to believe them and that brought my hope down. I felt stupid for beleiving him and being sensitive, but that´s who I am. Now, the best compliment I´ve ever recieved was, ¨You´re good enough and don´t deserve that negativeness¨. Compliments aren´t always about looks because to me, getting complimented on my personality feels better than getting complimented on my looks. It was good to know that I was enough and I actually deserved happiness in my life. My friend Holly said it to me after telling her what was wrong, and honestly that changed my whole mindest and I didn´t even need advice, I think I just needed to hear that. It was the best compliment because it actually made me feel good an important. It made me happy and smile in seconds and I´ve never felt that good after a compliment. These two different phrases definitely reflect back on my personality because I usaully don´t care about what people have to say about me, but if you know me, then you know that I care a lot about being ¨smart¨ and feeling ¨enough¨.
ReplyDeleteA bad habit of mine is getting so deep into my own thoughts that I take over my feelings and put myself in a rough place. I make myself upset and insecure so easily because of what other people say to me. Being in ap and honors classes you are kind of expected to know much, I do not. If I ask anything that others know, I get laughed at, called a dummy or stupid and it really brings me down. If it was a joke or not, I bury my happiness so deep down and get into my head about what those people said to me. Making yourself upset is something you should never do, but I do it way too often because of the rude things people say. Yes, I know my vocab might not be as high as others or I might not completely understand something the first couple times, but if you are kidding or not it will still bring me into a hole and it will take me a while to get out. It does upset my family and I that I do this to myself, but I have trouble not to, even if they do not mean it. My anxiety just takes over and I keep telling myself what that person told me over and over again in my head. " You are so dumb "" Are you stupid? " playing over and over again in my head until I break down and cry to let it all out. Then I usually get distracted from it, and then it happens all over again. Even for this class, 90% of the time I feel so unworthy to be in there because I either do not understand what everyone is speaking of and I keep hearing in my head a broken record of someone telling me that I have a brain the size of a mouse. The tears that I cry come from the things I do to myself. I take a deep breathe and get over it eventually, but it is just so hard too. I get insecure and hold back my questions and thoughts because I am scared of the rude comments that might be a joke that I take too seriously and ball my eyes out. I know that the world won stop because of my feelings, so I just go to the bathroom, hoping no one else is in there, cry, watch funny videos to feel somewhat better, wipe my face, and move on with my day. But for the rest of that day, even week, those words and laughs I have received are still in my head.
ReplyDeleteThe worst thing someone ever said to me was when I found out that a coach had told the JV girls that I didn’t deserve to be on varsity. This hurt for multiple reasons. 1) I didn’t want to lose the respect of the JV girls because next year they were going to be on varsity and looking up to me and the other seniors. 2) I worked so hard to get better at volleyball in the off season. I played for a club team and went to the gym to get stronger. It cut through me to hear someone say that all my work didn’t matter. 3) It hurt so much to hear that from a COACH. It isn’t fair to hear that you don’t deserve your spot from a figure that I am supposed to look up to and respect. Hearing this in general made me feel like I was useless. That if I just walked out of the gym and never went back on the court the team would still play just as well as if I was there if not better because clearly I don’t need to be on the team. I also had to have another girl tell me that because an adult decided it would be nice to talk about me like a teenager to another group of girls. It literally sounds like petty high school drama. I felt so useless in that moment because it was already said and I couldn’t defend myself to anybody.
ReplyDeleteThe nicest thing that someone has ever said to me came from Andre. I had a terrible game at ACIT. I actually left as fast as I could to avoid crying in front of everybody. I didn’t really say goodbye to him because I left so fast but I texted him after explaining why. He didn’t say much back but what he said made me so happy. “It’s ok. I understand”. Usually after a bad game or when I’m complaining about something all I get back is advice or something else that doesn’t mean anything to me. It felt good to finally have someone who wasn’t trying to make the situation better (while they probably only make things worse) but just listen to me. I haven’t had that in a long time. I felt understood and that although the thing that happened made me feel like the worst person ever, he was there to listen to me.
These two comments really stuck with me because of who they came from. The first came from my coach who should boost me up not drag me down a flight of stairs MULTIPLE times. The other came from my boyfriend who is my biggest supporter, no matter what. This shows that I care about who is saying it more than what is said. If a girl on the team said I didn’t deserve to be on varsity, I would have just brushed it off as they were jealous of my spot. But an adult who I am supposed to look up to ruined my self confidence. If some random person told me that they understand it wouldn’t have made my heart so happy but because it was my boyfriend I felt like I could do anything in that moment. Words hurt, words heal, words explain, and words rule the world.
The worst thing that someone has ever said to me was actually not spoken. It was in my brothers death letter, in which he told my family and I to “live our best lives”. It hurts so bad cause how can we do that when he is not here. All of the pain and confusion makes it hard to enjoy every moment like we did before. Our lives would be better if he was still here. In a way it makes me angry and frustrated that he thought that we would even be able to do that when we don’t have him around to brighten our day. That he thought that what he did wouldn’t tear us apart. At the same time it makes me really sad to think that he thought that our lives may be better if he wasn’t in it. That maybe he felt as if though he was a burden on us and that he didn’t matter. It’s just hard to know what he meant by this because it could have many different meanings. On the other hand, I’m not really sure what the best compliment I have ever received is. Of course, here and there, there a little compliments on outfits or academic ability, but none of them have particularly stood out to me. However, when I receive compliments from strangers, it makes me really happy that they came up to me and told me. They could have kept their comments to themselves, but they chose to come up and tell me. When a stranger compliments me, it just makes my day because that person doesn’t even know me, but they are still being nice. It gives me hope that people may be nicer than society makes them out to be. Prior to the words written by my brother, no one has ever really said anything mean to me. And even the words he said were in all good intentions, but it still hurts nonetheless. Losing my brother has also had a big impact on my life and it has changed how I am. I also believe that I might not be able to think of the nicest thing someone has ever said to me because my memory is a little fuzzy about life prior to losing my brother. I have terrible memory in the first place, so I don’t really remember what someone even said to me during the school day today.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was about 13, I was downstairs just hanging out, my dog Loki sitting right next to me. I hear my stepmom, Ang, come downstairs and she takes a seat next to me. She first talks about something trivial, but then starts saying how Loki was like a service dog to me and how he helped me deal with my stress. After Ang left, I became upset because I couldn’t believe that she thought I had problems/ had mental issues. This messed me up greatly and for a few years, I became paranoid about people possibly think this about me as well. (even made a post about it on Facebook which was just as bad, if not worse). She may have not intended for it to sound that way, but it did and it took me a long time to get over that. To be honest I can’t remember any compliments that really stuck with me because, 1, I was depressed for a long time, and ,2, I disliked getting them because all it did was make feel embarrassed and wanting to move on to a different subject. These two situations in my life reveal some things about myself. The story about what Ang said shows that I can be sensitive about some insults, but more specifically ones that tarnish my credibility or mental state. Not being able to remember compliments that moved me or not accepting them, shows that I find it hard to accept compliments and that they don’t matter to me as much as other people.
ReplyDeleteThroughout my life, I have experienced many harsh words said to me. But, I think the most painful words I have experienced are, "He didn't make it." It was the most unexpected thing I expected to hear, and the last thing I wanted to hear. I knew something terrible had happened, but I didn't think it would be that. The person who became such an important part of my life, who I loved and cared about so much, was gone. I never dealt with loss like this before, someone so close and so young. I was shattered. The best thing someone has ever said to me would be "You look happier". After months of being upset, overwhelmed, feeling guilty for being here when he wasn't and not to mention the horrible treatment I received from Bailey's closest friend after his death, I was far from happy and not at all myself. I was told that I brought Bailey nothing but distress, unhappiness and I made his life hell, by his best friend.I dwelled on every fight we had, I pondered on every mean thing ever said. But after some time, I realized that only him and I will ever understand the relationship we had. And no one else may ever understand that. We were young, we were learning, and we went through so much together. And I will forever be thankful for the things he taught me and I strive to carry his smile and kinds spirit every day.
ReplyDeleteWords. They carry the ability to ruin someone’s day, week, year, or maybe even life (that’s a little extreme, but it could go there). One word, one sentence, one opinion, can cause a tidal wave of destruction, obliterating anything in its path- happiness, serenity, hope. One thing that you say can travel with you forever, forming other’s perceptions of you, forming your life choices, forming how you think, or even just how you look at yourself. One thing that you hear can also travel with you, clinging onto your heart, mind, and soul; draining you of any confidence, trust, ambition. I often feel as though sometimes the words don’t even matter; it’s the person that they’re coming from. If someone you respect or look up to tells you something, you choose to believe it because of the mouth that it’s being excreted from. If someone you love says something, you analyze it so deeply, and it hits so much harder than if it were delivered by someone you really didn’t care for. And that’s the case for me; both the worst and best things I’ve ever been told have come from the same person- the person that I put the most of myself into. Right now, everything’s really messy between us, but we were dating for three years, and have been best friends since 5th grade. Obviously, I put my heart in his hands and he chose to do what he wanted, which was break it. The line that I’m about to say was something that he told me last year, after he kinda cheated on me. After he told me about what happened (after his friends told me first), he tried to justify his actions by saying, “Well she looked just like you, so it’s okay.” I’m just gonna let you think about that for a second. When I tell you that that shit hurt, it HURT. I was already broken apart because I found out what he did/said from other people, which then led him to telling me. He really thought that just because she LOOKED LIKE ME, made cheating okay. He really thought that saying those words would make his actions okay. And you might think I’m stupid, which I honestly am, but I forgave him. I was struggling to pick up the pieces of myself, and I felt as though he was all I had. I needed him. I just brushed those words and his bullshit apology away, and we went back to normal, and continued dating. And honestly, his words never really were brushed off, as they bubbled inside of me. But I simply couldn’t love myself, so I needed him to love me. I didn’t want one thing to ruin us, after all we’ve been through. But if I’m being honest, that “one” little thing really wasn’t a one. time. thing. And for the good things that he’s said to me… there’s been quite a lot actually. The thing is, I can never tell if it’s genuine, but I always convince myself that they are so I can try to be happy. Okay honestly, I paint him as a bad guy, but everyone has their moments. When I write or talk, I feel like I can finally let stuff out that’s been bottled up. He honestly made me feel bliss when I was with him, and I’m sometimes called blind for not seeing everything wrong that he’s done, but maybe they’re blind for not seeing the good.
ReplyDeleteThe words that he’s filled my mind with have been loaded with reassurance, love, compassion, etc, and I just love to disregard everything else and focus on the now. I try to focus on the now, with the past just lurking in the shadows and clouds that hover above my head and behind my eyes. Some of the best compliments he’s given me have been along the lines of: “Seeing you today gave me butterflies.” “I am beyond blessed to call you mine,” “You’re the only one who makes my heart beat,” “We’d have some really cute kids, thanks to you,” “I am so proud of how far you’ve come,” the list goes on and on. To be honest, those definitely aren’t the best. My brain just can’t think of what they actually could be; maybe that’s a bad sign. And I mean, his kind words been compiled over the years, but things haven’t always been filled with bliss. He’s said some mean things, that still keep me up at night, and he’s said some nice things that I try to paint over the past with. That’s just how I am. Actually, I don’t even know how I am. I don’t even know who I am. I like to focus on the negative to feel bad about myself, but then I choose to reminisce over the positive. You know, that all depends on how and when something is delivered, and who it comes from, as the host holds ~all~ behind their words.
DeletePeople are mean, very mean, and sometimes they may not even notice. I have been called hurtful things or had hurtful comments said to me from time to time but something that worked me up this year was when my Cheerleading coach said to our team “You’re all an embarrassment”. This doesn’t seem like the worst thing that someone has said to me, which it isn’t , but it did make me feel very defeated on that day of practice. We had worked so hard that practice to make things hit and be ready for our performance that Friday. After doing our routine full out our coach tells us we are all an embarrassment, and that is the words we left practice with. After sitting there out of breathe and sweating it still wasn’t enough and I then had to be worried about looking ridiculous that Friday in front of the school because like she said, we are an embarrassment. I felt defeated, hopeless, angry, and definitely on the verge of quitting, because it wasn’t our fault we were a "disappointment" , which other cheerleaders would agree I am sure. On a positive note, the best compliment I have ever received was from my friends when we were playing the card game “For The Girls”. There was a card that said “Give this card to whoever is most likely to be successful” and whenever I played with friends I was given that card. It sounds cheesy, I know, but it does mean a lot to me that others see me that way because I often question myself and how many of my goals I really will accomplish in my life. Overall, after picking these two particular comments about myself, I would say this shows I care a bit too much about what people say about or how they view me and don't care so much about how I,myself , view me. Because of my Coach I was worried about being an embarrassment for the half time on Friday night, when all along I should’ve realized that I was trying my best and who cares what negative things she has to say. After being so happy that my friends gave me the “most likely to succeed” card made me realize that maybe I doubt myself a bit too much. Maybe sometimes, I don’t give myself enough credit and I am doubting my own capabilities.
ReplyDeleteWords have the power to raise and destroy a human being. I know from a personal level that I rather take a punch in the face rather than have someone speak and expose the person I am. People don't understand how powerful their words have on person one word, one sentence, one thought can determine whether the person you talk to has a bad day or a good day. After years of being bullied for my race and culture I been through it all as a minority of the school system. The one that impacted me the most was not being asked "how can you see?" or being told "you should be on the rice fields", No these words were nothing just a numbing reminder. The worst I have been victim to is one day walking the halls of Oakcrest high school. A follow student came to me and stated "you should've died in hiroshima like the rest of them". How do you answer such a comment, to be wished you were dead by another person. Not only this person was culturally incorrect and this is historically impossible. I have been judged for who I am because of my culture and the battle to accept who I am will is not ending anytime soon. However, the words have caused me to have a sense of pride for who I am, but the words have scared beyond my skin into my heart and mind. The world makes it easy to find the bad. Whenever, you open the news the depressing topics makes the front page, while all the inspirational stories that show the light of the world all end up on page 10. Being able to see the light in situations is first being surrounded by good people that accept for who you are. The best compliment I got is that "max you're my best friend and always there for me." This compliment came from someone very close in my life. I never became friends with someone so quickly. I was already had a silent anger within myself from my past, but to have someone that means so much to me to finally see the side It truly feels reassuring that I can change and help others.
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ReplyDeleteWords hold a lot of value and people often forget that. Word can make or break you, make someone love you, and make someone hate you. Sometimes, people use certain words out of frustration that they didn't really mean but can cause damage and sometimes people can say just the right thing without knowing they said it. Words. They are a tricky thing. This isn't the worse thing someone has said to me but I still remember it to this day because it was the first time someone really said something to me that hurt. When I was 9 years old a fellow classmate said to me "why are you so ugly". I was in fourth grade and only 9 years old and still when I think back to this moment it makes me upset. I remember being so upset about it and feeling so bad about myself. I was only 9 years old, I didn't know necessarily how to react to that. I sat in my room and cried and started to wonder why someone would every say this to me? Prior to his comment I never thought anything of the way I look. I just thought I looked like me, good ole Skyler. I mean, I was only 9. But still, I remember being so hurt by those 3 words. The best compliment someone has given me was "You make me so happy". This compliment actually came from Dj. Every time he says it to me, it makes me so happy. To care so much about a person and love someone so deeply and to hear them say themselves that you make them happy, just fills with me joy
ReplyDeleteThroughout my whole life, I’ve always tried my best to be friendly and kind to everyone I meet. I thought that if I was nice to everyone, no one would have anything bad to say about me because I never did anything bad to hurt them in any way. In reality, I think this way of thinking only made me feel worse once I got into high school and I would hear people talking about me. Towards the end of my freshman year, I started talking to a boy who was a junior at the time. He was much more popular than me, considering I was only a freshman, so instantly people began talking about him and I together. We weren’t officially boyfriend and girlfriend (yet), but we would walk in the hallways together and sit at lunch together. One day, him and I were walking out of lunch together and one of his friends pulled him up next to him and was about to tell him something. His friend put his arm around him and said, “You can do so much better than that bro” as he looked back at me walking behind him. Maybe he didn’t mean for me to hear him say that, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. Any self esteem I did have was just completely shut down. This was one of the worst things that anyone has said to me because the person who said it knew nothing about me or my personality. That meant that this judgement he was making was solely based off of my appearance. I was already insecure enough and that definitely didn’t help. It also made me worried that the boy I was talking to would start to lose interest in me if he kept hearing things like this. On another note, the best thing someone has ever said to me came from my dad. It was after one of my first varsity volleyball games and we had just beat our rival in three sets. He said “I’m so proud of you” and gave me a lil fist bump and a hug. It may seem small, but it really meant a lot coming from my dad. I love him, but he can be a little tough on my brother and I when it comes to sports. Him saying this made me feel very accomplished because it meant that I must have played extremely well that game. I think these two moments really go to show that sometimes I may be timid or hesitant, but I always put my best foot forward and follow my heart.
ReplyDelete“Why do you act so white” that is one of the most offensive things a person could say to me. This is coming from other races and even my own. This makes me question, is this black hypocrisy? Why is it that I act “White”. The responses from I receive from other races including my own which personally hurts, even more are, "I talk too proper, I don’t listen to rap music, I care about school too much". A black man can’t care about their education? A black man has to speak a certain way. Yes, it hurts when other people say but if its people coming from my race it's sad. Its sad this is the society we live in. This may not be a big deal to others but it is for me. It's hard enough getting hate from other races but getting hate form your race is another level.
ReplyDeleteOther than that the best thing that was ever said to me was I resemble my mother. When my Mom died people would always you act just like her, I looked just like her, I had her smile. Of course, it was overwhelming; I was trying so hard to not think of her because I didn't want to cry. Even at the funeral, I was holding back so many tears I had a headache a few days after. Then I realized everything was going to be okay, me resembling my mother had to be the biggest compliment that anyone has ever said to me. My mother was a warrior of God. She offered so much to this world and still had more to offer. She taught me to live a life full of unconditional love and to love enemies. She also taught me life lessons at a young age because she wanted them imprinted in my heart at a young age so I can be wiser as I get older. Tonya Lovell Curtis will forever be remembered by her friends and family. A true woman of God.
After hearing these two things, what this says about me is I'm on the right path. Think about it, I was blessed with my mother’s unconditional love, this I pray makes other lives better or can make somebody day. Like I always say, it's like a chain reaction, my mother shared her love with me and I'm sharing that love to others and hopefully, it keeps going. Even the worst thing that was said to me shows me God’s plan is working, Yes it may hurt but it also shows I'm different, I'm not a follower of this world, I'm my own leader. This is another thing that is used to bring me down which proves I can’t get out pf people’s head.
Words are powerful. They have the power to build or destroy anything. Everything is built off of this pillar of connection and communication, from business deals, to pop culture, to personal relationships, it’s all words. That’s why it’s hard to decide which were the worst and best of all. After careful thought, I realized the worst thing anyone has ever said to me, wasn’t actually said to me… Let me set the scene. Typical Saturday morning Baseball game with my travel team of 4 years, definitely at least the one hundredth game I’ve played with them. The team wasn’t doing so hot, only two hits in four innings, losing by at least five runs, it happens. My coach however, decided that the game was already over and had the most pissy, pessimistic look I’ve ever seen. He’s just going off about everything because he can’t handle losing, being the egotistical sack of shit he is. At this moment my mom is on the bleachers, doing her typical sports-mom thing and being optimistic. I don’t even remember what she said exactly, funny how words work that way, must’ve been something along the lines of , “Keep your head up boys, you’re still in this!” It was at this moment that my coach turned to my Dad (the assistant coach), and said “You tell your wife to shut up or I’ll do it for you.” That sentence branded itself on the inside of my brain. Not only is it incredibly misogynistic, but entirely disrespectful to a family who had supported the team since it started. Four years of respect immediately burned away by one sentence. He wasn’t coach Mike anymore, he was coach Dickhead. My dad looked at him, looked at me, gave a single nod, and dropped his clipboard and walked away, shortly after I packed my bag and followed him, along with my two best friends on the team that love my mom and heard coach Dickhead say that, and that we drove to the game with. We left the game early, and myself and six other players didn’t go to another practice because of what he said, leaving coach Dickhead with a roster of two players. So while his words made me want to punch a grown man in the face, justice was served. He threw shitty batting practice anyway.
ReplyDeleteAs for the best, that has a bit of a twist as well. For a prompt in AoP, one of the questions asked “What’s something you’ve heard you’re bad at?” I couldn’t think of anything anyone ever personally told me I was bad at (which I guess is a good thing, or maybe I just blocked all those times out), so I asked my friends. While one of them struggled to think of something because she is the kindest heart under the toughest shell in the world, the other gave me the honesty I was seeking. He said, “you’re bad at hiding your emotions.” That is the best thing he could’ve said. What my friend saw as a negative, I saw as my greatest strength. The only example where being bad at something isn’t a weakness. Being open about how you’re feeling is the basis of basic communication, if you hide that, no one can help you. I think my ability to be emotionally vulnerable makes me incredibly stronger than I would be without it. Emotion feeds passion, emotion feeds drive and dedication, emotion feeds love. So if not being able to hide/suppress that is a flaw, I pray for the flawless. In terms of what this taught me, it didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know, the overarching theme seems to be that I am an emotional person and I care deeply about those I love. The worst thing ever said to me was directed at someone I love and not me personally. The best thing was based on my emotions, I think this reflects my personality completely accurately.