That one line always stuck with me. I don't know why.. Well, maybe I do.
When you think about it, other's perceptions of us often turn out to be true--even when we don't want them to be.
We can explore this idea later, and we will, but for now, just this.
How many times have you said to yourself, and for that matter, to anyone who would listen--"I don't care what anyone else thinks...".
I know I've said it at least once in the past month--please note, today is the second day of the month...so...yeah, already said it.
In our heart of hearts, though, do we really believe that?
It seems an age-old question, but it is one that may not have just one answer: to what extent do other people's perceptions of you have an impact on the decisions you make?
Peer pressure, parental pressure, self-imposed pressure, all these outside, or inside, forces have the potential to make you act, or react, in ways that you normally might not if never exposed to those influences.
My question is: Why? Why do we care?
Why is it important?
Why do other people's perceptions or expectations of who we are have so much of an influence on us?
Or do they?
Be honest with yourself when you answer.
After all, it's just us so you can be honest here.
I don’t really know why I care about what others think so much. In some cases, I don’t care what others think, but it just depends on who I think is judging me. I also think that it matters so much to me because I care about what that person thinks. I care about what my family(parents and such) and my friends think of me. Lately, I feel like I have been really annoying and I worry that I am pushing my friends away from me. I don’t want to do that, and who knows if I actually am. I try my hardest not to annoy other people, or I try my hardest to be nice to others, but sometimes I don’t think they view me that way. It’s not that I necessarily want everyone to like me, but I don’t want people to think of me as a bad person. Maybe it’s just that I don’t want someone to point out something I don’t like about myself, which would make me feel even more self-conscious about it. I also think that my parents expect me to do well in school and life in general. I know that they don’t expect me to do well all of the time, but I just feel like I’ll let them down if I don’t. I also feel like there is a constant pressure on all teens from society that expects us to be perfect(good grades, play sports, do community service, and still have some fun), even though we are under an extreme amount of stress. I feel like my teachers expect me to do well, so if I don’t do well on an assignment, I feel stupid. Just like how I feel stupid right now for not doing well on the style elements quiz and literally breaking down in class. I am under so much stress right now that I cry and break down almost every night. It’s to the point where my mom is generally concerned about me and she thinks that I am depressed. I don’t want to make my mom worry, so I try my hardest to not cry, but sometimes it is just too much. I’m not depressed, but I just don’t feel like I have been genuinely happy for a while now. On the other hand, when I am with my friends, I act crazy sometimes. Even if we are out in public, I don’t care what others think of me because I am having fun and that is all that matters. Of course I still worry about people thinking I am weird, but I don’t let it consume me. I like making a fool of myself at times because it feels good to laugh about it and go back and think about how much fun I had when I did that.
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ReplyDeleteAs we start growing up and going to school and other social settings, you can become a bit engrossed into that culture which can lead to this continuous desire for wanting to be popular/accepted. Peer pressure isn't a good thing for anyone and can cause people to hide their individuality, passions, and ideas. This all has such a huge impact on us because as human beings naturally want social interaction and need it to survive.
ReplyDeleteThe culture of peer pressure can create a sense of insecurity among most and can lead to a number of other mental struggles/issues. When you stop caring about this pressure, what make you yourself shines and allows you to take risks at your own pace, make decisions that your truly sure of, and do the things that makes you happy. When I was younger, I didn't care too much about peer pressure because I was adamant and stubborn, but when I got to high school everything changed due to puberty and wild hormones. Always know that peer pressure, self pressure, and any other kind of social pressure shouldn't affect what you do in life as long as you don't let it do that.
It was a big problem I dealt with since freshman year. Especially when it came to my race. I worried what others and teachers would think of me or I always felt I never met their standards. Now as a junior I am wiser and when I think of it I honestly don't know why we care so much about other people's opinions. I believe it may have something to do with the fact past generations put standards so high that with our generation we try to do everything to meet those standards. Or it could be the only way to get through life especially if people hold power over you like in jobs, the boss could fire or give you a raise, or teachers with grades or lose their trust with you. Even college administrators have an opinion and that's why we stress over college applications. That's why I think it could be important in some cases like these to feel pressure because it may influence us in a better sense or to become a better person. Furthermore, back to what I said about past generations setting the bar high, we trying to reach those standards shows we are trying to be something greater than ourselves. Now, of course, this could be taken the wrong way. The pressure of these things could lead to bad stress, the decline of self-esteem, or could waste your life. So, in the end, it's important to know if other opinions influence you for your good or if it leads you to the wrong path. So going back to myself, I use that energy of what others think of me to become something better for my benefit, not theirs.
ReplyDeleteOne of my biggest issues to date is this topic. My therapist and I constantly dwell on it, because it's something I simply can't get over the idea of other people's perceptions of me, my decisions and my relationships. I know I'm not the only person who deals with this issue. From what I should wear, to who I should be friends with, to how I act around certain people. I believe a part of why I feel this way is because of the environment I'm in. We're in high school, people judge, people talk. Everyone has a very strong opinion. I believe it shouldn't be as important as it is, but with the way society's hierarchy is, everyone wants to be better than everyone else. I don't know why I care so much, it's always been a horrible habit of mine since I was young. I believe it has to do with being so sensitive and caring, I constantly want to make everyone else happy. Whenever I hear that someone else has a negative opinion of me, it makes me overthink so much. I have been trying very hard this year to break this habit, because it has caused me so much unnecessary stress. It's unnecessary to get upset over things we simply can't control. However, sometimes people’s negative opinions can fuel your fire. It can make you want to do better or prove that person wrong. But, it’s pointless to become upset over those opinions because no one should control your actions or how you feel or what you want to do except you.
ReplyDeleteI'll admit, I care a lot about what people think about me. I got better though. I used to not even be able to wear sweatpants to school without thinking people would make fun of me. I now can wear sweatpants because I got way too lazy for jeans or anything else along those lines. I just needed to accept the fact that people judge sometimes and can be very rude. But, it's not my fault. Whenever someone used to say something rude about me, I then agree with them that something is wrong about me and then it brings me down. Caring about what people think about me brought me down in life plenty of times. It's hard but I then slowly tried to stop and tried to not worry about what anybody else thought. I feel like people care because they don't love their self enough, so they turn to other people to love them, and when they don't, they get upset. I also overthink a lot, so sometimes if somebody is even joking around with me, I might take it serious and then bring myself down again. I try to tell myself that I should do what I feel is right, and it doesn't matter about anyone else's opinion expect for mine.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes too peer pressure or what I care about what people think about me, I've honestly never really cared what people thought about me, but that comes with an exception. I've always cared what elders, and older people, like teachers, coaches etc. As peers my age though I would disagree that "I care" what they think of me. For my elders, I know I care about how they feel, because I was always raised like that. When you're younger you look up too them, whether its coaches, brothers, or teachers. Always being around my brother when I was younger, I'd always hang with his friends, but would get kicked out sometimes because I was being, "annoying". Honestly though, what 7 year old isn't annoying to a bunch of 14 and 15 year old. After them times of getting kicked out, it always hit me, I didn't want to be the annoying kid with the people older then men, I wanted to be apart of them, so I always acted the way they would, but not too annoying, were it's obvious I'm trying to hard to fit in. That led to how I feel about how Teachers, and Coaches feel about me, because if they like me it's only gonna benefit m. Whether it's helping me with work, showing me certain things to better me after practice, if the people that control your life, or you look up to like you, it's only gonna benefit you.With peers my age though, I couldn't give two s***s what they think about me. I learned this trait from my dad, who showed em this my whole life. He didn't care what anyone thought of him, whether we were in public, or private, how he acted didn't change. From what he wore, to how he spoke, to screaming "helllllooooo" when answering the phone in stores. I'm not bad to that extreme, but honestly everyone around my age, especially in high school isn't going to effect my life in the long run, so why should I care if they think bad things about me. I'm very glad I have this trait, because it's only gonna help me in the future. I wear what I want to school, hangout with who I want too, as long as it's not hurting me, why do other people care? I'm glad I have this trait, because I witness adults who still act like this with everything, where they stress about what people think of them, and get to stressed about it. If I keep this trait, I feel as if I will have a very less stressful rest of my life then other people.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to people judging me, it depends on the case. I feel as if high school has a lot to do with me being judged. Not even high school, middle school is when I started to worry about what people thought of me. When I am home with my family I do care about what they think of me towards you know, grades wise, friendships, etc., but I couldn’t care less what I look like in front of my parents because I know they wouldn’t judge my appearance. At school, that’s a whole different story. I have no one to impress, it is just being talked about. I used to surround myself around judgmental people and I think that is what bought me to being self conscious today. I have to wear some makeup to school or I feel like I would be talked about being too pale or looking bad. I can wear sweats but I try not too much. I used to have this HUGE mole on my forehead, people named him Jeffery and made fun of it all the time. I got it removed of course because my doctor said to but I also liked how maybe it wouldn’t be the big talking point in my life when people see me. People still talk about it, just not as much. Now, I like to impress myself because as I said before I have no one to impress, but if someone says something about how my hair is or my outfit or makeup, I do get a little hurt and insecure. I know they might just be bored and need drama in their life or maybe they are insecure about their selves, but it doesn’t bring me down a little bit. I then take a couple breathes and realize that they are just bitches with nothing better to do :)
ReplyDeleteMy brain is constantly telling myself that everything matters; that everyone hates me, that everyone judges me. At the same time, my mouth is constantly telling myself and others that it simply does not matter. However, I KNOW that it DOES matter. I just proclaim that nothing matters, mainly to have others form the perception that I am a laid back individual, when really I’m freaking out on the inside. I often do this in fear of my peers judging me for stressing out. I’m just trapped inside of this never ending loop; of pretending like I don’t care for the sole purpose of not being judged or having my feelings hurt, which just makes me feel like EVERYTHING matters, and I genuinely “know” that it does. I try to let off a vibe of calmness and positivity, as I try not to panic in front of others, and I generally don’t speak up around my peers. This often just pushes me to the other side of life, where I’m just a girl in the dark. Like for real, I legitimately don’t know who my friends are, and I feel like everyone in my grade disregards me, as I’m just that quiet girl. Because I’m in the solemn crowd, you would think that I would do stuff for myself, focus on my own life and decisions. When actually, every decision that I have to make feels based around everyone that I come in contact with. From the smallest occasion, like when my mom asks what I want for dinner, to the biggest, like choosing where I want to go to college, I contemplate on how my decision would affect others. I rarely think about myself, and that’s probably what’s bringing me down. Even when I’m all alone, mentally or physically, I still consistently think about what others might think or say about me. I feel like a lot of people feel this way, and the reason might be different for everyone. We might care about others’ perceptions of us for the sole purpose of wanting to be accepted; needing to be accepted. We’re all just seeking some sort of validation to feel better about ourselves. We use the words of others to justify our ideals and decisions. We tend to do more for others because that’s just what we want in life- a sense of acceptance and reassurance. People, teenagers, change how they are [how they dress, how they talk, how they act, etc.] just because someone else may have a problem it. We put others before ourselves, and make decisions based on what others might think of us; when really, they might not even be thinking of us at all. So what are we really doing? We all say it, “I don’t care.” You know you do. And we all say that we overthink about others’ opinions, when really, “they don’t care about us,” right? And if they don’t care, does it mean that they really do? Because deep down, we all care. You know you do. They know you do. I know you do.
ReplyDeleteyou're really good at this.
DeleteI tend to overthink, pretty much everything. I believe that this corresponds with the fact that I care about what others think. I hate that I care as much as I do, I wish I didn’t, my mind is constantly racing with thoughts and I feel like I can never catch a break. I care about what my fellow eighth grade classmates thought of me when I was the anxious new girl horribly presenting a slideshow I didn’t create. Even though I know that I am smart, I care that they said I couldn’t read and that I stutter too much. I care about what they thought of me when the same nasty, mean students watched me walk onto the stage months later receiving an award for having straight As that quarter. I care about what my mom thought of me when I chose to move out and leave an old life behind. I care about what strangers see when I walk through a store. Do I look sad? Do I look angry? Is my appearance acceptable? I care about what that boy thinks of me when he leaves my Snapchat on open and doesn’t respond. I care about what my teachers think of me, do they see that I try my hardest and that I am constantly pushing myself? I care about what others think when I post something, am I pretty enough to appear on your screen? I can go on and on… I overthink. I don’t know whether or not to blame my anxiety issues or the fact that I am a teenage girl. There is also the fear of being judged. I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and that not everyone is going to like me. Now that is something that I don’t care about, I don’t care if someone dislikes me, I feel as though that is their problem and not mine. However, the feeling of being constantly judged creates a sense of isolation, as if I am not good enough and it makes me question my worth. I constantly try to remind myself of my worth, and I try not to beat myself up or bring myself down, but I still do. These thoughts usually never affect my actions, I still wear what I want to wear and say what I want to say, it’s just a feeling that controls the way I think. I could say that this feeling does motivate me, it makes me want to be better so that no one can potentially judge me. I know that is practically impossible because of the world we live in, I know that there’s always going to be someone who has something negative to say or give me a dirty look but if I see myself as the best version I can be, then I believe that none of that will matter. Although I struggle with this issue, I still try hard to work on myself so that I can present the best version of me and hopefully one day I will be able to say that I don’t care about the thoughts of others and truly mean it.
ReplyDeleteWhen I’m with my close friends, I don’t care what they think of me because they already know me inside and out. But when I’m in class or any other crowded area, my social anxiety peaks. I feel the need to watch every step I take, my facial expressions, and the way I talk. The other day, I kept sniffling in class because I didn’t know what others would think of me if I blew my nose… That’s how bad it is. I rely heavily on what other people think of me, which is funny because I always advise others to not do so. For example, tonight I started to have an anxiety attack in the middle of the volleyball court because I kept messing up a pass and I felt like I was being judged for it, but when other people make mistakes I tell them to shake it off and think positive. I guess I care what other people think because I want to change my reputation and I don’t want other people to have negative opinions on me. As I’ve been saying in my previous blogs, last year wasn’t a good year for me… AT ALL. So I feel like I need to cover up the past and prove to everyone (including myself) that I’ve grown. Although my self confidence has gotten better over the summer, it’s still not where I want it to be, and I don’t know how I’ll ever get there.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to what others think about me or peer pressure specifically, I don't care. If it was a teacher or someone older than me I would care about how I am perceived, but if we are talking just about other students I wouldn't think "I care." I know for others these perceptions affect their emotions. But when I was young my father gave me some advice, "your feelings can't be hurt unless you let them." My father couldn't give a damn about how people thought about him. It didn't matter if it was in public or with family, and it rubbed off onto me. For some odd reason I took this advice to an extreme and I already have an cold personality. So if I ever saw or heard someone talk about me I would think "congratulations you talk about someone else's problems to hide your own securities." For myself this actually worked it gave me a mindset telling me that what they say doesn't matter and overall the thought of how people other students was just annoying. Usually the people that judge me are people I don't even talk to or hang out with let alone want to. I'm friends with the people who like me for who I am. However, when it comes to teachers or any older figure I would worry about how they think about me. For teachers I always want to give a good impression because I want to have a comfortable relation with my teacher. If a teacher likes me I can be comfortable to come to them when I need help. I wouldn't be nervous when asking for help and I would know the teacher understands that I want to learn. Therefore, giving the best help they can to me. Overall pressure has a negative connotation, however, the pressure I get from teachers help me. My view of their expectation make me put 110% in all of my assignments. How I worry about their expectations tell me to turn every assignment on time and tells me I can't just give teacher crap work and say it's good enough. Hence, I don't need to worry about how my peers think about me. I love who I am which alleviates a lot of stress in the end.
ReplyDeleteIn high school, people talk and people judge and it makes some feel like they have to be accepted by their peers. That in order to “make it” the rest of their classmates have to perceive them a certain way. Sometimes I will catch myself thinking about something I had previously said. Did I say the wrong thing? Could it be taken out of context? But then I remind myself they most likely have better things to worry about and think about than what I just said. I’m 2 days they will forget anyway. That’s also another thing with high school, in about 2 weeks, everyone forgets already. Even in some cases, children have to act a certain way because they are scared what their own parents will think of them. Luckily, this has never been me. My parents always made sure that I knew that no matter what, they were always proud of me and loved me for me. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t completely care what people think of me, but isn’t that almost every high school student. But for the most part, I’m me and you just gotta take me as I come. For some, being perceived a certain way by their piers is crucial and I never saw the reason for that. I’m about 5 years, everyone is going to forget everything and most of the people I’m your high school won’t even be apart of your life anymore. How can somebody really get to know the real you if you’re putting up a front? Some people crave for acceptance and I find that to be really unhealthy for them. They are basically pretending to be someone they aren’t and loosing complete sight of who they really are in the midst of trying to please the people around them. I have always made sure to never let this be me. I am happy and contempt with myself and I like knowing that when people talk to me or meet me, they are getting the real me, not just some fake persona. In future years to come, what will happen to the people who lost themselves? I think the idea of “pleasing people” and “thinking about what others think” is very unhealthy but will never go away. It is just a natural worry for some people.
ReplyDeleteI care about what others think of me to an extent. Often times I get anxiety that people talk about how i look, what I wear, or even how I walk. If my anxiety is really bad one day I will dread walking the hallways to my next class because I have to see a large amount of people. This feeling never really goes away but I have gotten better and pretty much look however I want and push myself past how others may see me. Peer pressure on the other hand is something I do not think I have at all. Although I worry what people have to say about me, I don’t let it influence the way I am. I still wear the bummiest of clothes because it makes me comfy and I still don’t do the basic party teenager things even though people think i’m “not fun” because I don’t. The only pressure or peoples perception i truly care about is my parents. None of my siblings have graduated high school without dropping out first and none of them have gone to college. This stresses me a BUNCH to achieve these goals and make my parents proud. I hate when my parents are disappointed in me so I do everything to make them proud. As their youngest child I feel like they have a lot of expectations for me which I feel pressured to live up to. When it comes to everyone else and the majority that do care about what others think of them, I think it all comes down to our society. Many people have a urge to fit in, be like everyone else, and be one of the popular kids. This makes them do what others want of them and change their image. If you don’t fit into society you’re bound to feel alone and on the outside. Some, like myself, would rather be on the outside than fit in to be like everyone else. For those on the inside it is important for them to care about what others think so they can form into who they think they need to be. Everyone else’s opinions can hurt and change you to be someone you’re not. For some, it’s better to not be yourself than be someone who isn’t accepted by others.
ReplyDeleteTrying to put on a brave face is something many people do. They may do this for different reasons. One might need to seem strong, for loved ones. One might be auditioning for the play, and be internally crapping their pants, but still putting on a brave face. Lastly, and most translucent, the phrase “I don’t care what anyone thinks.” I don’t care if you’re a little old grandma, who calls everyone “suga” or if you’re the hardest gangster to ever walk this planet. You, in some way, care about someone’s opinion/approval. It could be a mentor, a parent, a teacher, whatever it may be, everyone has someone in their life they seek approval from. The real problem here is that teenagers care too much about EVERYONES approval. Trying to fit in socially, economically, emotionally, whatever it may be. Nowadays, everyone seeks everyone else’s approval, why, you may ask? Well, I couldn’t tell you. Being someone who since 5th grade has claimed that he never cared what people thought, but secretly cares WAY to much, even to this day, I could never tell you why. What people expect and what people see are absolutely impactful on how we live day today. If you have higher expectations for yourself, you will achieve more. If someone you care about has high expectations of you, you will be inspired to go and slay any monsters that stand between you and the mecca land. Everyone has someone. Someone they love, someone they laugh with, and most importantly, someone who they want to make proud.
ReplyDeleteIt’s an interesting thing, the brain. Its evolved over many decades, I'm almost sure that we didn’t start out caring what others think. I've never given a shit when it came to others opinions. I think it’s wrong to judge another without knowing them. Everyone is equal to me, that is, until your prove to me your are better or lesser than me. I don’t jump to conclusions, others do. I suppose to some people the perfect utopia would be one where everyone is completely leveled. Same clothes, same haircut, same job, however this is not an ideal world in retrospect. One sounding so perfect can also be just as hellish as the original. To care what one thinks and to respect someone are two completely different things. I think to care what others think is almost a bad habit. To have respect for someone, and want their thoughts is something someone can do to better themselves. Two sides to the same coin yet completely different outcomes. We crave attention from others, so we crave the validation that others can give. It’s the main source of this constant need to fit in. We only understand a small percentage of the brain, perhaps if we could comprehend more we would be able to ascend this trivial thought.
ReplyDeleteI spent most of my life in the shadow of my older brother. He works harder than me, is more athletic, and has always been better at dealing with our parents. He could curse out my parents but not get in trouble because he knows how to work his tone. I have always been the total opposite. I don’t really work hard because I don’t see a need to, I struggled with picking up new sports, and I somehow always manage to piss off my parents because I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut. My parents don’t realize how much they compare me to him. “When Tyler was in high school he never had free time” or “when Tyler played hockey he was always practicing so why can’t you do the same for volleyball”. They aren’t wrong so how can I try to argue with them. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be Tyler. I learned to walk at a younger age than he did because I wanted to play with him. I always tried to play hockey in our driveway with him even though his friends got mad at me because I wasn’t that good. I even played hockey at one point to try and be him. And then it became “stop being your brother and be yourself”. The opinions of my family have always been something that hurt me. They say things without even realizing they hurt me and I never say anything because then they will think I am depressed or my anxiety has gotten worse because their “jokes” hurt my feelings. I went through a time where my family constantly told me I was perfect the way I was but also said I shouldn’t wear certain things because they “cling” or are “too tight” for my body. My mom constantly reminds me that she weighs the same as me which is not the most comforting thing for a 16 year old girl who is already uncomfortable in her body to hear. My entire life opinions have been thrown at me and I listen to every single one. Even if it’s something as small as your hair's a little messed up to why are you wearing THAT shirt out in public. I can’t ignore them no matter how hard I try because I care what people think about me. I want to be the best version of me even if that means I’m no longer me. I don’t know why I care so much. Maybe it’s because I’ve been surrounded by the most opinionated people my entire life. Maybe it’s because I am so insecure in myself that I try to take in everyone’s criticisms so I don’t have to listen to them anymore. Or maybe it’s just because I want to be perfect and the only way to do that is change to appeal people. Opinions mean so much to me and I don’t want them to but I truly don’t know how to change it.
ReplyDeleteI like to say to myself that I don't care what people think of me, but that's a lie. I may come off as shy at first, but that's because as soon as I meet someone I'm paranoid that they are already making a thousand bad judgments about me inside their head. Being around people that I'm not very familiar with can make me anxious sometimes because I constantly have to worry about what or how to say things. I don't want to come off as rude or say anything that may be interpreted the wrong way. I think what others think about me may matter a lot to me because I already deal with a lot of insecurities about myself. It may also have to do with my fear of disappointment. When I turn in an assignment late or when I get a B instead of an A, I always feel like I'm letting my teachers or my parents down. People like my teachers and my parents' opinions of me have the most effects on me because they are the people I look up to and some of my biggest role models. However, when I'm around my friends I know I can always be myself and say and do whatever I want. My friends are kind of like my safe place I guess. I'm free to be my goofy and annoying self around them and they won't care. Only my closest friends have seen that side of me because I get scared other people might not like that side. To me, everyone's opinion of me is important. If someone is giving off a bad vibe and I have a feeling they don't really like me, I'll try to find any sort of reason why or what I did to them to make them dislike me when there may not really be any reason. I need to get over the fact that not everyone in life is going to like me and that is something that is hard for me because I really care what others think about me. People's opinions of me often may contribute to my opinion about myself. Hanging out with my friends gives me more confidence because I know that they all like me. But when I am around others who don’t feel that way about me, I begin to doubt myself and who I am as a person. Then, I try to change how I act around that person just to make them like me. That's how much I care about their opinion and I really don't know why. Maybe one day I'll learn to shake things off and decide that I don't care what people say about me, but I don't see it happening anytime soon.
ReplyDelete