Whew.
So, it's over. 2019--the year of...well, there are really too many adjectives, verbs and hyperbolic phrases that could be inserted there, so that's where we should start.
I am a huge fan of moving forward--I don't even like to put my car in reverse if I can help it--true story--but I also recognize the value of taking a backward glance from time to time. I mean, how else can you see:
1) how far you've gone
2) how much you've left to go
3) where the twists, turns and pot holes in the roads were
Now, for me, of all of those, #3 means the most.
Like I said, I am a fan of moving forward, but most of the time, the natural enemy to forward thinking or really any kind of positive progression, is repetition.
The repetition of a mistake is the most obvious deterrent to progression because it usually means going backward, but even repeating things that worked out for you can be detrimental to progress because it could mean that you are comfortable and not taking any more risks, and then, consequently, you can't "really" progress.
Personally, I like to see where things went bananas for me, or where I made a wrong turn, or how taking the shortcut would've helped me had I only listened to someone else.
So, usually right around now, I allow myself the time I need to take stock of my personal and professional situations.
I should do this more often than just the start of a new year, I know this, but something about the symbolism of starting at 1 just speaks to me, like the name of this blog post--tabula rasa. For you Latin aficionados, you recognize this, no doubt, but for those who do not, TABULA RASA is Latin for "blank slate." A fresh page.
What I noticed I did way too much last year was to let things that were either out of my control, or not really fixable in the first place, define who I was.
As a result, I spent too much of 2019 feeling like a colossal failure.
Thus, for 2020, I have decided to form BOTH an interpretation, and a life plan from something I read by accident over break.
It was a quote from a long-dead German author named Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (that G name is actually pronounced "Gert-A), and it states:
"Things that matter most should never be at the mercy of things that matter least." Read that again.
I am trying to find a sign that says that, but so far, no luck.
Now, its your turn.
First--I want you to fill in that sentence I started at the beginning:
"2019--the year of ____________".
Explain your choice.
Second, of the three reasons I listed for why looking back is good, which one do you see the most value in and why?
Explain in detail.
Finally, moving forward, in whatever area of life you want to focus on, how would you like to proceed that is AT LEAST marginally different then whatever you did last year?
Explain your plan.
2019-- the year of growth. 2019 was a challenging yet fundamental year in my life. My dad was diagnosed with cancer, I lost my best friend, and my mom lost her job. I felt like everything that could go wrong, went wrong. But, many things were going well for me too. I made the varsity cheer team, I had a stable friend group and I got an amazing job babysitting for the Wilbraham family. I drifted from some friends, got closer to others. It was a year filled with change. All in all, everything turned out okay. My mom got a better job that she loves, my dad had surgery and became cancer free. However, losing my best friend will never be okay. But I have learned to cope with it, along with therapy. Looking back has the most value when you're looking at how far you've come. It's no good to dwell on the hardships and what you've lost. It's always good to see what you've learned, what you've gained. How you have benefited. It will push you to work through whatever hardships are on the way. Moving forward, I will stop caring so much what other people think. This affected me a lot and many of my decisions in 2019. At the end of the day, it's my life and no one else is living it but me. So, I should live it based on the opinions of no one else but my own. With all being said, I hope we use our 20/20 vision from all the lessons of 2019 to have a great year.
ReplyDelete2019- the year of new adventures. This year was full of good and bad new things. I was diagnosed with anxiety and learned to deal with it. I played a decisive position on varsity for both golf and volleyball that came with an amount of pressure I wasn’t used to dealing with. I played my first year of club volleyball and when tryouts came around a second time I dealt with being cut from a team for the first time. I experienced a bunch of new freedoms and trust from my parents that I never thought I would get. With this new trust came a lot of other adventures. I made new and solid friendships and got to do things I loved. I went on my first trip without parents to Myrtle Beach with the golf team. I got my permit in August and it was so exciting. I put a lot of myself into golf this summer. I went to lessons every Saturday and played every Monday night with some really great kids which developed again into new friendships with kids I still talk to today even though I don’t see them as much. Finally, this was the year that I got into my first real romantic relationship. It didn’t last too long but I learned from it and it led to a better relationship I’m in now. For me, how far I have left to go is the most important for me. There is always something that needs to be done and looking back on the progress made doesn’t matter to me unless I’ve completed the goal and say I’m done. After that, I turn around and look at how far I’ve come for a very short amount of time before I look back forward and walk towards the next thing that needs to be done. I really never take time to look at the space behind me because that is all in the past and, positive or not, the past holds you back. You can’t look at the failures because that is exactly what they are. They do nothing for you. Something I want to work on this year is doing the exact opposite from what I literally just said. I want to start accepting that failures help push you forward instead of just ignoring them as a failure. I cover up anything that isn’t a success because it isn’t something that people need to see. I want to work on this because I know the way that I think is unhealthy and probably is one of the reasons for my anxiety. In order to do this I will take time every month or so to recognize the bad things that have happened and how they have helped move me forward to the successes that I had this month. I hope that 2020 brings me a year that helps me find ways to help be a better person for myself before I’m a good person for other people.
ReplyDeleteThe past year has been a whirlwind. There was lots of twists and turns and unwanted changes in my life. Overall, the year started very well, but went downhill after the death of my brother. Thus, my 2019--the year of loss. My year was going really well. I was happy and I was excited for the upcoming summer. My brother, Josh, found out that he got a full Navy ROTC ride to Rutgers University. He was so excited, and my family and I were so proud of him. I was getting into baking more and was even getting paid to make cupcakes for parties. However, after that terrible day in May, my year was kind of ruined. It was so unexpected and felt so unreal. To this day, I still don’t feel like my brother is no longer with us. In fact, earlier today, I was thinking about how my family and I are going on vacation soon and how my brothers and I would have to fight over who would have to be stuck in the middle seat on the way to the airport. It didn’t really hit me until a few minutes later. My year wasn’t completely terrible though. My friends were always there for me and kept me busy. I continued to dog sit and I started to make cheesecakes(the best dessert ever!!!). I actually made four cheesecakes during the first five days of holiday break. Just when I think about 2019, I can only really think about losing my brother, so it kind of defines that year for me. Looking back at the twists, turns and pot holes in road is the reason that I value the most because, as I said before, there were a lot of those in the past year. In order to heal and make the most out of the terrible situation, I have to look back at it and remember all of the good times I had with Josh. I was lucky to have 15 years with him(he was 17, but I’m younger than him), even though I wish we could have had more time to spend together. I also need to use this to help others by speaking out about it. I won’t be able to do that anytime soon, but I am hoping that I’ll be able to at some point in the future. Overall, when I look back at all the bumps in the road, I learn how I can handle similar situations in a better way. It helps me grow and learn to deal with more difficult situations, and it also makes me feel proud of myself for getting over/handling the situations the best way possible and coming out of it okay. This year I want to learn how to handle my emotions better and spread more positivity. I want to be able to speak out, in a mannerly way, if something is bothering me. I also want to be able to express my emotions in a better way too. Lately, I feel like I have been holding a lot of my feelings in, so I need to learn how to express them when needed. It didn’t help that it was the first year without my brother during Christmas and other big holidays. Overall, I just want to express my emotions more when I feel like I need to.
ReplyDelete2019- the year of perseverance and prosperity. It’s difficult to describe how I feel about this past year. It was one of the hardest, yet one of the best years of my life. Although there were some tough times, I grew and learned so much through it all. The year started off a little rough for me. Overall, I think March was the worst month of the year. I was in a very toxic relationship and wasn’t treated well at all. I lost a lot of confidence in myself and kind of felt trapped in the relationship. Finally, I found a way out of it towards the end of March. I felt relieved, but it was hard to lose touch with someone who was such a big part of my life for a long time. Shortly following this, I received the news that my dad was diagnosed with cancer. This was, and still is, one of the scariest things I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. It has been hard, but my siblings, my dad and I have never been closer. I’m so grateful that my relationship with my dad has flourished throughout the year and I am grateful to have him every day. Despite these challenges, 2019 did have many highlights and I experienced a lot of amazing things. I traveled to Virginia Beach with one of my best friends Paige, went to upstate New York with my family and spent two weeks in Italy and Greece over the Summer with my best friends. Traveling to new countries really changed my life and I learned so much. I’m very thankful to have had the opportunity to explore those places and will hopefully get to go back eventually. Another highlight of the year for me was volleyball. I made varsity for the first time and earned a starting spot as well. No one expected our team to play as well as we did in the Fall and we finished second in our conference with only a few losses. I gained a lot of confidence after this and joined a club team for the first time. Playing with new girls has been a little challenging but I’m excited to improve even more for my senior high school season. Overall, I see the most value in looking back on the year and seeing where the twists, turns and pot holes in the road were. Seeing all of my obstacles and challenges and how I overcame them, makes them more bearable I guess. In 2020, I want to focus on me and loving myself more. Mainly, I just want to keep working hard and try and make 2020 an even better year.
ReplyDelete2019 - the year of happiness and love. The past year has definitely been one of the happiest years of my life. It was filled with love, compassion, adventure, and friendship. I spent the whole year with the best boyfriend in the world and got to cherish every memory and moment with him and got to be by his side for his accomplishments. I made amazing memories with my best friends and even when to Italy and Greece with them for 2 weeks which was truly amazing and perfect. I went to Canada with my family and we stayed there for about 4-5 days. It was really fun to just get away with my family and spend some quality time together. I had an amazing year in Field Hockey. It was my third year as a Varsity player and I even got to start as left back and we had the most wins in a season in Oakcrest field hockey history. I am extremely proud of all the girls knowing we worked so hard for this. I was also extremely happy to start as a Varsity starter for lacrosse. Starting in both sports was a huge accomplishment for me and I loved every minute of the sports I was playing. the year 2019 also brought me my puppy Gracie who I am just so in love with. I made new friendships with people who are amazing. I am so lucky to have people like them in my life and grateful we can all get together as a big group and just spend quality time with one another. Overall 2019 was an epic year for me and I am so grateful for everything. I really hope 2020 is just as good if not better. The most valuable reason for looking back to me is to see how far you've gone. To really reflect on everything that has happened to you. To see how you started out the year and ended it and to see the growth and prosperity you went to, to get to that end point. This year I would like to get more into hobbies, if that makes sense. I feel as though hobbies have been kind of lost in todays world but I find them to be kind of relaxing and just a little fun thing to do to just have fun.
ReplyDelete2019-- the year of mercy. 2019 was a year filled with grace and mercy for all of us because it was a tough year, I know it was for me. There were so many trials I've been through and things I did, said and thought of. I do thank God for all the grace and mercy he has given me. There were blessings I didn't even deserve. Even when I'm a mess, he is still faithful. I had to remember that the trials and tribulations were working according to his plan. The problem I always faced with that was it didn't work with my timing. It took me a while to learn God's timing is a lot better. Another thing I learned was not to question God, I may not understand, but I understand why I need him. Lastly, I had to learn forgiveness. There are several people I didn't want to forgive. I hated that feeling because I hate any type of drama and holding grudges. Then I had to remember, one I'm fighting the wrong enemy and second do I even deserve forgiveness from God for the things I did? When I eventually learned to forgive, things were so much easier for me and that person. In terms of taking a backward glance, how far you've gone is the most important. The devil is trying to condemn me by trying to bring me down of all those times I've fallen and come up short. But when I look back at my past I think of all the victories, how God transformed my situations into something beautiful. That's what keeps me going in life, I think of all of the blessings and trials he has brought me through as a reminder.
ReplyDelete2020-- the year of leveling up. In this new year, God is going to take me to a new level. Those doubts, those times I fell short, the schemes the devil tried to use against me. I'm leaving it all in 2019. I have to go higher, I have to be bold, I have to try. I will come into this year wiser than before. I will love more, forgive more, pray more, seek more, understand more. The devil won't defeat me, people won't confuse me, the government won't silence me, and hell can't handle me. I am the child of the king of kings and the most high God. I am ready for all things coming my way, bring it on.
2019 - the year of maturity and growth. Starting in the beginning of 2019, I began to fall into a downward spiral. My grades began to go down hill, and I started getting into a lot of trouble. I was an attention seeker last year, and I craved attention from people who never stayed for me in the long run. I always tried to be someone that I wasn't. I didn't realize what I was doing and I was completely blinded by the need for people to pay attention to me. I befriended many people in 2019 who've negatively impacted my life and took advantage of me. In about July, this was when I realized that what I was doing was wrong, and I was screwing around with not only my reputation, but other's as well. Also, work taught me to be more mature and also come out of my shell. I learned how I should handle different situations and what to say. In the beginning of junior year, I began to realize who my real friends were. Real friends don't push you out and pull you back in when they feel like it. They're close and consistent. I had a really good year with volleyball. Not only was this the best record that my team has had since I was here (I think it was 13-3), but I also won the Best Offensive Player of 2019 Award and now hold the Oakcrest High School record for career aces as a JUNIOR! I love this sport so much and I'm so proud of all of us for such a great season. I decided to quit drama because I didn't want to put even more stress on myself with two AP classes, choir, South Jersey Chorus and club volleyball. 2019 was also very big for me and my music. In May, I was noticed by many different songwriters in the area who wanted to work with me, as well as a popular artist from England who wanted to work with me after seeing a video I posted on my Instagram! Looking back on last year makes me realize how far I've gone and how much I've grown. I hope to keep growing in 2020. In addition to growing as a person, I want to grow in music as well. I hope to be working with a producer and making my own music and putting it out there for the world to hear. I want to inspire people.
ReplyDelete2019- the year of acceptance. Thankfully this year has been good to me, there hasn’t been any tragic life changing events that affected my life. I was fortunate enough to travel to breathtaking places, I’ve made strong bonds, I experienced my first real romantic relationship, and I achieved goals that I set for myself. Although this year itself hasn’t been bad, unfortunately life has been, therefore this year was a year of healing. It wasn’t until this year that I opened up and talked about my childhood. I have always made it known that life hasn’t been easy for me but I never went in depth because there’s nothing more I hate than the feeling of being looked at with eyes filled with sorrow. I have always been quite. I taught myself to bottle up my all my emotions and to never appear weak. I now know that it doesn’t matter, I had no control over my past consequently it does not define who I am as a person. However it is a part of me, it helped create the person I am now.. someone who questions everyone and has extremely bad trust issues but also someone who will do anything to succeed and is devoted to their work. I tend to think of the person I could’ve been if my life had been normal. Who would I be if my parents raised me together, and how different would my mindset be if I had never watched my mom struggle. Some days are really hard, and on those particular days I wish I didn’t go through what I did, I wish the pain that came along with life lessons didn’t haunt my mind. But I have accepted the fact that there is nothing I can do to change anything, I am who I am and I come from where I come from. Acceptance. I believe that acknowledging how far you have come is important. In order to continue your journey you need to know what you’re capable of. It is important to remind yourself what you have been through and accomplished, it’s fuel to the ambition fire, it motivates one to not give up and we all need a little motivation.. This year I plan to focus on the present, I will not dwell on the past and I will not stress about the future. (very unlikely but I will try my best) I expect 2020 to be a year of growth, consistency, and dedication. Life doesn’t have a pause button, it’s crucial to make everyday of every year count.
ReplyDelete2019- the year of change. Throughout this past year, I grew through many aspects, and I would say that I changed drastically, for better or for worse. At the same time, some parts of me are still recurrent, and lingering above me like a fly over some cow shit; and maybe that’s what I am. Just a soft pile of leftovers of what I used to be, disregarded and mushed together. Every part of me, big or small, just mushed into something that’s flushed away or possibly used for growth (there goes my pessimistic and optimistic attitudes battling over which one takes over today). That’s the change I’m talking about here, or just the negative aspects of it. 2018 was definitely the worst year of my life, and I know that that’s not the topic year, but I feel as though it needs to be addressed to discuss how I’ve changed. Just to keep it simple, 2018 was primarily freshman year, which sucked so bad. So bad. I was starting at a new school, lost all of my old school friends, didn’t have any new high school friends, was antisocial and didn’t wanna make any, my boyfriend decided to dump me in the midst of that, leaving me helplessly alone. My doctors were all like “yo you have anxiety and depression,” and I was all like “lol no way.” Anyways, I went on medication for that, and I’m still on that path. They wanted me to do therapy and I was all like “nah I #canttalk.” And I hate talking about that because all I feel is judgement, so I just don’t talk at all. And that not talking has led me into this spiral of putting on a mask, and acting like everything is fine, when it’s not really fine. Then my grandma passed away, and you already know that story. That completely broke me down, and further pushed my wellbeing down that dark path. So basically 2019 was just a year of me covering up my pain and trying to put myself in a better place, when I wasn’t. I just didn’t want to go through missing school like I did freshman year, so I took a lot of medication to cover up how I was feeling. 2019 was a year of change. I changed by acting happier. I changed by accepting someone back into my life for the wrong reasons. I changed by covering up how I was feeling. I changed by putting myself out there and then hating myself later. I changed in the eyes of my peers, even though they never really knew me. I changed in the eyes of my old classmates, even though I haven’t even talked to them in years. I changed. It wasn’t always negative, though. I changed in a way where I talked to more people, and made some friends. I changed in a way where I stopped wearing a lot of makeup, and became more comfortable in my own skin. I changed in a million different ways, and it’s difficult to explain everything. Out of the three reasons, number three, where the twists, turns and pot holes in the roads were, means the most because as I look back on those bumps, I can grow through them, and learn from those mistakes. I can change in a better way, for myself especially, and that’s all I want from myself. I want to grow, and prosper into a better person; a person who can open up and blossom into who I’m supposed to be- someone who I’ve been suppressing. In 2020, I want to forget about whatever happened in the past, and grow from it. I want to establish myself and my belonging in this world, which is something that I’ve lost in 2018-2019. I want to strive to make new connections with people who actually think I’m the shit, instead of just plain shit. I want to be more comfortable in my skin and jump outside of my comfort zone (which I probably won’t do, knowing my stubborn self). I want to make a difference in how others perceive me, as well as how I perceive myself, which is pretty low at the moment… as you can tell by the cow shit reference.
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ReplyDelete2019--the year of change and growth. The year 2019 contained many good and bad experiences. At the beginning of the year I had to leave friends for vast amount of reasons whether it would be due to drugs, racism, or just their personality clashed with my own. Each time I learned more about myself. I learned about what values I treasure and learned what it means to be a true friend. I have grown so much from my former self. I was much angrier and more self reserved back then. I was considered evil or a villain to others. I was in a dark place. I didn't like expressing feelings. I would push anyone who was nice to me away. With help from my friends over the year. I'm a little bit nicer and more open, but it's little by little. Many would call them baby steps. However, within that time I've met terrific people within the year of 2019. I have finally settled with a group that I can call my friends. After years of trial and error. I have found true friends in 2019. Even becoming very close friends with a couple of people. One of them I have become more social with my friends. I limited the amount of time I spend alone. Looking back the one that has the greatest value is seeing how far I have gone. In order to effectively reflect on my life. When I see that progress from the beginning of the year to the end. To see that growth is very rewarding and uplifting. Now as I leave the year 2019 and into the next decade I would like focus more on how to balance my social and school life. Instead of focusing a large majority of my life on school. I'm hoping to start become more social and start hanging with my friends outside of school for once. Instead of making false excuses not to go. In addition, still having more focus on my career to become a doctor and hoping to help people in the future.
ReplyDeleteI don’t believe in the New Year, I simply believe in the passing of time. The earth finishes its rotation, that's all. I think if I looked at it like everyone else, I would use it to justify my mistakes and my bad decisions. I think it would only allow my pompous attitude and dreadful outlook on time to fester. However, as asked, 2019-- the year of utter hell. I moved to a town where I'm judged for my differences, my mental state has only declined. I can’t keep on top of my school work to save my life, here at Oakcrest and at Triton. I have everything, im given everything, so my parents can’t understand what i'm thinking, they don’t understand that health isn't just physical. I'm treated horribly by the people im surrounded with and am no closer to an escape. I have about 17 months until I can officially begin change, so I suppose time is the most important of the mentioned three. It’s the only thing holding me to a semi-racist, homophobic family (though they claim they arn’t, and nobody else would think so, most don’t see behind the curtain). 2020 will most likely be a copy of the previous one, time is an unbeatable concept. It will morph you into someone you don’t recognize, and eventually, it will end you too. Maybe if I believed in a higher power I would be less “half-empty”, but wasn’t religion created to just remove the fear of death? Of time? New Years is an exciting, wondrous event, but if you think about it really is just cruel.
ReplyDelete2019-the year of lessons. The most important one for looking back at the past, would be looking at when the times were wrong and rough and how you overcame them. You'll never really get to fully move forward unless you know exactly what you did wrong and how you can not do the same thing over again. I learned in 2019 and who my real friends were. I also even learned that sometimes the phrase, "blood is thicker than water", is not true. Family could leave and ghost you just like some friends would. I learned about happiness and how in some situations, my happiness should be my only concern. Sometimes you can't worry about everyone else and what they're doing because it'll only hurt you. I learned some of my friends really weren't picking me up, they were just trying to bring me down without me even realizing. I tried eating healthy this year and trying new things. But, what I want for 2020 is to dress cuter. I have a hard time getting up in the morning and trying to look "cute". I usually end up in sweatpants, sweatshirts, and a bun. I'm going to try to just be nice and keep things to myself because being rude gets you no where. I'm going to try to try harder in school and be more confident so that I become better at things. I decided that helping people is a good thing and to do it more often. I just want to live my life and make the best of my life.
ReplyDelete2019-- the year of learning and love. Looking back on 2019, I had a lot of heart break, happiness, anxiety, and understanding. I met Caiden, my boyfriend, and we started dating . We have been dating now for 10 months, for sure feels longer. We had our ups and downs through the year, but we got through it together. My mom got a new job which was an adjustment, but she seems happier and busier so I am very happy for her. A hard moment I had was my sweet 16. I invited about 60 of my "friends". The day of the the day before they told me they couldn't come for reasons. Some people just didn't tell me at all they weren't coming which I thought was kind of rude. During my sweet 16 there was drama. My close friends tried to keep me away from it so the drama wouldn't ruin my night which I greatly appreciated.I know I had a lot of fun. Dancing singing, eating, it was one of the best life. Having my people not dance at my party was a bummer because I wanted everyone to dance and have a good time, but I guess they just weren't feeling it which was upsetting. Also upsetting part was everyone left early because that was the time they wanted to go party. Imagine having your "friends" leave early from your sweet 16 because they wanted to go party. After that, I was never close with those people again. In 2019 I learned my worth and I learned to not be friends with certain people. Those people were toxic and weren't good for me. I had to accept moving on from them and to find new friends and that is exactly what I did. My best friend and I got into an argument about a year ago and now we are best friends again. that girl was like my second sister, my parents second daughter, and not having her around tore me apart and I felt lost. Having her back in my life has made me a happier person and helped me enjoy life more. She taught me how to love myself and have some confidence. She does so much for me and I try to give her the favor back as much as I can.I started working which was a big step for me. Working at a pizza place was exactly how I thought it would be, but working nights with a big football game on, nuts. Cheer leading for the school came around and I was depressed. That coach and team made me cry everyday. Literally everyday I cried because of how they made me lose love and hate something that I loved so much. I could't quit because I wanted my 4 year letter, but it wasn't good for my mental health at all. Luckily it is over and hopefully some changes will be made. September was rough. I went back to school with people who ditched me all summer to go party, I had to get back into school mode, and I lost my best friend. My sweet Maggie died at just the age of 6 because of a stroke. My life and house was never the same, and it still isn't. I know have a solid 4 or 5 close and loyal friends, but you know what they say, rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies. Looking back, the most important thing was accepting change. Change, meaning my friends who I no longer talk to, family that can't even sit in the same room together, not having any bundle of joy running at me when I walk through the door, and much more. Accepting and learning I believe is a big part of everyone's life. Something I need to focus on is my anxiety and self love. Dealing with wanting to cry every time I say the wrong thing in class, anyone yelling at me or telling me I am wrong, I automatically want to break down and cry. I think my new cheer team can help me relieve some of this stress, but not it all.
ReplyDeleteOh boy this year definitely wasn’t one of my bests but certainly had the biggest impact on me. 2019– the year of change. I know this might seem cliche but it’s the only word that I could really find to describe this year for me. For about a good first half of the year, while I was in 10th grade, I didn’t have the greatest time. Due to everything that happened in January and months prior, I was just trying to move on as best as I could, but it took me longer than I realized. I know that as a teenager you go through puberty and it affects your emotions a lot, so I went through many moods almost every day. I struggled letting my past go and trying to move past it but I just couldn’t for so long. There would be many up and down days and the only real fix to it was the natural progression of time. After the school year had ended, summer break gave me the mental rest I needed to really stabilize everything going on in my life. When I got back to school for 11th grade, I definitely felt different. I wasn’t so stressed about everything all the time, I could enjoy things more, and I was a stronger person. All the changes weren’t positive however as I slacked harder on my work, focused less, and became less vocal. I’m slowly pushing myself to change these bad habits for the future. Of the three reasons, the second one resonated with me the most because it’s a question that is always on my mind (how high is my ceiling, what more is there to learn, and where will everything take me in a few years). It’s something I may never answer properly, but may what I do from now on speak for itself. A part of my life that I intend to improve on and handle differently from last year is commitment to anything I set my mind to. Last year I joined the swim team, but only about week later I wrote a letter saying I couldn’t do it anymore because I often feared the practices and how physically straining they were. I had tried using contacts for my eyes because I wanted to phase out wearing glasses, but I couldn’t get used to it and after failing to put them in while at America’s Best, I gave up the idea and stuck with the glasses.There are many more examples like this that range from hobbies, activities, and schoolwork, but they all ended in the same way, me giving up. I want to change that, find new cool ideas that I could try out and working on doing the the things that are required to move forward. I don’t want to be known as a quitter, therefore it is main goal for this year to stay on task and finish whatever I have started.
ReplyDelete2019- The year of firsts. My first high school romance, and with it, my first highschool breakup. The first time there was a C on my report card, and with it, the first time I didn’t give a shit that there was a C (honors class so 86 weighted) on my report card. The first time I experienced depression, and with it, the first time I felt truly, completely, proud of myself. The first time I questioned what I wanted to do with my life, and with it, the first time I figured it out for sure. The first time I got a dog of my own (have to get Benny in there at least once per blog), and experienced the happiness that comes with that. 2019 came with many new experiences for me, some were better than others, but all of them taught me something, and that’s the most important part of every year, it’s not about what you did, it’s about what you learned. Which is why number three is the most valuable. It’s about the wrong turns that you made so you remember not to make them next time. It’s about the shortcut that you try out, and it works, so now you get there five minutes faster every time. It’s about the potholes that you hit and figuring out how to change the tire, even if the flat isn’t your fault, you still have to know how to do it for next time. Moving forward, I want to be more motivated to do school work. My laziness gets the best of me sometimes and I end up underperforming for what I know I’m capable of. It’s another lesson I’ve learned, but it needed to be retaught a couple of times for it to stick. I need to just buckle down and do the work even if I don’t want to, because you don’t want to do everything you do in life, but you still have to. My plan is to stop running the other way.
ReplyDelete2019--the year of realizations, doubts, setbacks, heartbreaks, accomplishments, and growth. A whole lot of good and bad just mixed around and squished into a total of 365 days. Many things discouraged me this year and it ended up setting me back a lot. I lost a lot of inspiration and drive for a while but I gained some of it back over time. The year started off rough and continued to get rougher, but I started to come to the realization that better things are coming and the only way they can come is if you move on from the bad. It took me a while to realize that, and I am still working through it but I am happier knowing things can only get better at this point. Growth wise and accomplishments, I got my best grades in high school so far last trimester, I got a car my license, and my first job. The year of 2019 has taught me a lot about myself and others but I still have so much more to work on. This is why I believe realizing how far I have gone this past year is what is most valuable. I know when I set a list of homework I have due for the night I like to check things off the list that is done, this makes me feel organized, but also the more checks on the page the happier and prouder of myself I become. Sitting back and realizing what I have overcome in 2019 makes me proud of myself. I have gotten myself out of situations I never thought I could get out of, and things that I never that I could get over. Something I don’t quite want to settle with that I adjusted in 2019 is my work ethic. With my set back I started to do this thing where I sleep when stressed about homework or possibly anything else (but usually homework), which gets me nowhere and if anything, more stressed. I started to fix this in 2019 but I want to continue to work on stopping my procrastination and doing the tasks I need to get done. I am hoping this will help with my anxiety as well. I hope to keep raising my work ethic so I am doing the best of my ability and am proud of myself.
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