I am a Robert Greene fan.
<crickets....>
...someone from afar cries out, "who?!?"
Well, then.
I guess this warrants further explanation.
The 48 Laws of Power, The Art of Seduction, The 33 Strategies of War (I don't have the one he wrote with 50Cent) are all displayed prominently on my bookshelves, and the abuse each one of them has taken (bent pages, cracked spine, coffee spills) would indicate that I've read them several times.
So, you guessed it--Robert Greene is an author.
Further, it comes as no surprise (well, to me I mean) that I am feeling a bit cynical this evening, and for that, I apologize; I think that my internal struggle with cynicism thanks to Greene may have influenced this week's intellectual proposition.
I shall let you be the judge, however, as to whether or not this was a good or a bad thing.
As many of you know, and if you didn't you do now, I am not that into "people."
There are a select few I would ever willingly share time with, and more often than not, it shows.
The true friends (not the acquaintances--you have to have those or it's really hard to survive in the world as an adult) I have are friends I've had for quite a while--it's not always easy for me to make new ones and frankly, I don't often (ok, probably never) try.
But, don't misunderstand me--I know that this is not considered "normal" and I often wish that this aspect of my personality were not so deeply rooted .
Now, before I go any further, I feel it pertinent to actually define what I mean when I say "people."
So, here it goes, for lack of a more...academic definition:
PEOPLE: Individuals who are not kids (and yes, I realize the absurdity there since EVERYONE was at one time, in fact, a kid--I never said my appeals were to logos); mostly over the age of 30 and under the age of 80 (for some reason, I find the elderly fascinating).
And there you have it--the definition of people in the world of Cassie Bunje.
This rather pessimistic and certainly asocial view of the human race is not something with which I was born, however, I feel that it began cultivating itself at a rather young age.
My childhood was not one to be looked back upon wistfully, and it didn't really get much better as I grew into young adulthood. This was due, almost entirely, to my interactions with and observations of, you guessed it--people.
In fact, until I became a teacher, I held out very little hope that I would ever be able to gaze upon the face of another human being without a hint of scorn, mistrust or distaste. True story.
Truth be told, and this is not me being dramatic at all--you could probably accurately say that teaching saved my soul. More on that later.
So, back to today (Tuesday) and the churning maelstrom (look it up) of pessimism taking hold of me.
In my reading earlier ( I was searching for a quote from Greene and forgot which book it was in--so I skimmed them all), I happened upon an interesting quote.
I would like you to read and reflect on this quote, and tell me what you come up with in terms of whether or not you agree with what it says, and what it even means.
As always, qualify your answer with an anecdote of personal (or not-so-personal--whichever you prefer) experience to help illustrate the point you are making.
Here it is:
"Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." --Robert Greene
Have fun, my pumpkinsunshinefaceheads...
I am really not sure whether or not I agree with this quote. What this quote means is that "being nice" is just way of interacting with someone. You decide whether or not to be nice based on if you want to get something out of the other person or interaction.That being nice isn't apart of you, it is simply a choice you make. Maybe it's just me wanting to ignore the harsh reality or me living in a fantasy world but I like to think that being nice is apart of some people. That there are some people out there who are just designed like this and really do want the best for everyone and can't stand to be mean towards another person. However, I do consider this idea. When you are talking to another person and say something or ask a question and they take a long pause while they are trying to figure out what to say, they are basically deciding how they want to react. Whether they want to be nice, mean, cookey, or jealous. So niceness can be a decision. But I hate to think that is the only way to use “niceness”. If you solely believe in this quote, you believe people that people aren't just nice. And depending on your life experiences, that may be true to you. But based on my life and my experiences it just seems very hard to ever think that could be true.
ReplyDeleteI think someone can be a good person, but that doesn’t always mean that they’re a nice person. Being nice is almost exclusively an act of trying to look good to climb the social ladder. You can decide whether or not to be nice. However, being kind is having the other person’s well-being in mind when you act. Instead of worrying what other people think of you, you look for ways that can be genuinely helpful to others. You don’t have to live everyday putting on a show, you can just live and be your best. You’ll never know how good a person really is until you see their kindness. Unlike being nice, the image of kindness doesn’t wear out or fade away with something done wrong; it’s a character trait. For example, in the 2010’s, a YouTube challenge called the “Random Acts of Kindness Challenge” was being completed. But why was it a challenge when you can be kind everyday? And why should one care that their act of kindness is recorded? I’ll answer that question for you: because they want the clout. It was simply a competition of who could look the nicest so their fanbase could increase. Originally, many people might not have agreed with the quote that was said above, which is completely fine. We just have different interpretations on what a good person actually is.
ReplyDeleteBeing nice is in every aspect a strategy of social interaction. There is never a time where being nice to someone doesn’t have any kind of benefit for the person being nice. Most of the time I am nice to people because I want them in my life. For example I am nice to my boyfriend because he makes me happy and I don’t want him to have any reason to leave. I am nice to my friends because they understand me and I can’t imagine my life without them because they have been in my life for so long. I am nice to people I’m not really close to or don’t even know because I want to be liked by everyone. Even though these reasons are entirely harmless there is constantly a reason for me being nice to people. Now there are also other less positive reasons to be nice to people. I’ve had someone be nice to me only when we had classes together because they wanted homework answers. Other times people might be nice to you because they want to get something bad on you so they can turn around and use it to hurt you. People always want something from you. Whether it is friendship or homework answers or help in a situation. Why do you think when you start being really nice to your parents they know you want something? You made the decision to be nice to them. It’s scary to think that when people are nice to you it might not be the most genuine thing but that is the truth.
ReplyDeleteMy parents taught me to always be nice. I honestly don't know if being nice or not is a personality trait. People compliment people on being nice and I never really thought about it not being in someone's personality. I do understand that everyone has their nice moments and their not so nice moments. I personally like being nice to people. It makes me feel good and it makes me feel good that I'm helping someone out. Freshman year I used to have a big attitude and wasn't that nice. I had no filter and it caught me in the worst moments. Being mean doesn't really get you anywhere. My mom always said, "if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all." Using harsh words and just not caring about other people's feelings could stick in their brain. To me, that's terrible to do to someone. I like people being nice to me, so I would do the same to them. Being the bigger person also goes with this because sometimes when people are rude you can be more mature and just be nicer. It's hard to do but it makes them more angry because they just wanted to get under your skin in the first place. Yes, of course, stick up for yourself when needed but you don't have to hurt someones feeling while doing it because that can sometimes make you stoop down to their level. You definitely do have the choice of being nice to someone, and I think that's just the way you are and how your personality rolls.
ReplyDeleteI understand how being nice to someone is a strategy of social interaction. There is no doubt that being nice to someone doesn't come with benefits. Everyone has a choice to be nice or mean to a person. When someone is nice to you it is his or her decision. I'm for one am not nice to everyone I know usually because I get annoyed a lot by others. From beginning of middle school to freshman year of highschool I wasn't nice to a lot people. My inner circle was quite small. I had no problem with it. At the time I liked how no one would want to bother especially when I was tired from school. However, towards midway of sophomore and into junior year kids would become nice to me and start talking to me. Even though I have never spoken to them before. They would sweet talk me stating "oh max you're so smart" or "max you're nice can you help me" to get me to help them whether it was with school work or just on a concept. It lowered my guard and I would help him or her because that's my instinct. But I would see that after I would help that person. He or she wouldn't talk to until they needed help once again. So I see how people would take advantage of each other for personal benefit.The quote while explicit, but true it exposes a hidden truth.
ReplyDeleteI am “nice” to everyone I meet for specifically one reason, I may need them one day. It’s an odd thing to pay attention to so far in advance, however, it may pay off to notice. I was once told by someone I think to be very smart, that I should show respect and kindness to everyone I meet, even if I don’t really mean it. Which in reality, is what I find myself doing in more cases than not. He told me this in hopes I would follow his word, not for his sake, but for mine. One day that quiet kid in the back of the class may be a CEO of a big company, and I may be applying for a job within his empire. It could potentially help for me to mention I went to school with him, and if he remembers me in a positive way, I may just get that job. However, the outcome could be completely different if he remembers me negatively. Not only will I not get the job, Im almost sure that kid will make sure I never see the light of day again. So yes, Robert Greene is totally correct, I couldn’t agree more. I am nice for the soul purpose of my benefit, nothing else. I could think you’re the most uneducated idiot on the planet, but you'd never know, not to its full extent. You’d never know my distaste for your existence, hell, you may even consider me your friend. I think it’s a strategy everyone should have, something everyone should develop. It may pay off in the end to be plastic.
ReplyDeleteI’m not sure on whether or not niceness is a character trait or if it is a social decision. Some people are just nice all of the time and can’t stand being mean. Other people just don’t act that way. Maybe people act nice all of the time so people will like them or so that way others don’t feel bad about themselves. Or maybe being nice makes them feel good. They could just be born that way, but it could also be their decision to act that way. That person could have just been raised that way. When I think about it, I choose the way I act. If I absolutely wanted to, I could be the biggest a-hole in history, but I don’t want to be. If I was like that, I wouldn’t feel good about the way I was acting and others wouldn’t like me as much if I was mean to them all of the time. Anyone can be like that. I guess I kind of agree with the quote. In a lot of cases, I feel like people choose how to act, including being nice. Other people were just raised in a household where they were taught to be nice and couldn’t imagine living life any other way. The quote means that people choose to be nice when speaking with others so they are not disliked. They do it so they are heard and so that people won’t talk bad about them. Greene is saying that people are not born being nice. Being nice is just a decision that someone makes while talking with another person. It makes sense because people change. Someone can be the meanest person ever one day, but the next day they are nice as can be. It all depends on the mood of the person, how their day/month/year is going, what is going on in their life, etc. Emotion plays a big role in how we interact, so if I am feeling upset, I may not respond to my friends in a nice way. However, if I am having a good day, I will respond more kindly. Overall, people usually choose to be nice rather than being born that way. It is just a way that we can respond to others.
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ReplyDeleteBeing “nice” is slapping a mask with a little smiley face on and getting through your day solely to just. get. through. your. day. It’s a social conformity that we’ve all adjusted to just to be liked in a society filled with discontent. I view being nice as when you’re courteous to others and treat others with the same respect that you would like to receive as well. It’s substantially different from being kind, which is “when you care about people and show that you care.” You can be kind to someone without being nice, and you can be kind to nice to someone without being kind. From personal experience, I became the pro (and I mean THE PRO) at being nice. You need that homework that you didn’t do? I got you. You need some words of encouragement? I’ll gas you up. You need some painkillers? I’m stacked. You need a pencil? I’ll give you my last one. I’ve become the person that I honestly never really wanted to be. (Okay little rest stop: I have been raised very well by my loving parents and I am thankful for them teaching me good morals, but all that has done is mask my ability to speak up for myself. I use manners and speak properly to everyone I meet, but that doesn’t mean that I feel that fruity all the time. Sometimes I want to be outspoken and tell people how I feel, but I don’t. That idea of being “nice” has branded my name and bonded my words.) It’s not a problem necessarily, buttttttt it’s a problem. At this point, I’m just used for my “niceness.” I’ve built up my wall so tall that there’s no backing down now. Multiple people that I’ve talked to have said that I am one of the nicest and most unproblematic people that they’ve ever met. And on the outside, I’m all like (:, but on the inside I’m like :/. Because at this point in my life, if I ever (and I mean EVER) decide to just not be “nice” one day, something’s wrong. If I ever want to express how I actually feel, something’s suddenly out of place. I’m instantly “different” and “changed,” even when that person has been inside of me all along. I just condensed her down in order to be liked in an environment where that’s the only way to get by. I’ve suffocated my views and actual feelings in order to fit in, and not be hated; I mentally and physically can not deal with that. Because if just one person sees your dark side, you’re suddenly a bitch to all of their acquaintances. And for me, no one knew who I was coming into this school. I couldn’t be perceived as someone stuck up or outspoken; I mean that’s not really who I am, but it was a big fear of mine. I didn’t want to be hated by people who didn’t even know me. So, I set myself up as a generally nice person, and I believe that I am, but that was just taken advantage of. I am constantly being taken advantage of, and it hurts deeply. That girl inside of me is banging on the walls of my brain and my heart to be let out. I need to actually stand up for myself for once in my life, and disregard that title of being just “nice”; there is so much more to me. Sometimes I just feel so drained.
ReplyDeleteDrained because I go above and beyond for people who wouldn’t do the same for me. I just don’t want to fall under that category of being gossiped about, so I do everything humanly possible to get on the good side of people. And I mean, I think it’s working. Sure, I blend in because people only think of me for being nice, but I’d rather not stand out for being a coldhearted vixen. I’m really out here breaking my back for people, and on the inside all I can think about is how stupid I am. I’m the type of person who would bury a body for my friend, and then take the blame for the murder even when I didn’t even do it. So yes, I do agree with Robert Greene in his sense of saying that niceness is a decision, and that it’s a strategy of social interaction. I’ll talk to people sometimes and act like the nicest person, and on the inside and I’m like wtf is this person on; like how is it humanly possible to be this incompetent. But I never say what I’m thinking, and I cover slightly harsh messages with a smile and a “haha.” Because being nice is just how to survive in a society of judgement and cancellation, and that’s exactly what I do to get by.
DeleteThe word “nice” can be used to describe almost anything, like the word itself has become very vague in way it is used on an everyday basis. This reminds me of when I was in this English class during 3rd grade and we would read those old story pamphlets labeled by grade level. The teacher would ask us questions while reading, and one I particularly remember were the ones that asked about defining characteristics/personality about the main character(s). All of us would have a hard time coming up with anything, so the go-to word to describe these characters would be “nice”. Sorry that was a bit long, but it proves my point that being nice or acting nice has become more than just a character trait, and more of something that we do all the time. Just being nice doesn’t show much individuality because anyone can be nice, but it’s all of those other words that can do a much better job of describing your personality (ex: adventurous, brilliant, cheerful, dynamic, energetic, etc). I would still disagree with this quote because while the word nice is both vague and uninteresting, it still can be used to describe a personality or character trait.
ReplyDeleteThat quote is interpreted as being kind is a choice rather than something to be born with. I do agree that niceness is a decision rather than a character trait. If niceness is was a character trait then the world would be a more devastating place. People would never have a chance to experience the benefits of being nice. These benefits could assuage stress and anxiety, release feel-good hormones, make friends, and even make others feel good. I always say if someone shows kindness it would start a chain reaction. I try my best to be nice every day just to make me and others feel good. I also could agree I use it as a strategy for social interaction. Even in situations, there are times people aggravate me or love to provoke me. That's when I have to stop and think about how to not escalate the situation. I CHOOSE to kill them with kindness. which always makes my situations better.
ReplyDeleteI think that there are people who are nice do choose to be nice, it is the way they are brought up and the challenges they may have been faced with that make them that way. But, I think that it can also be a personality trait because you may associate niceness with them due to their actions or their personality. I was bullied before I moved, and it was one of the reasons I ended up moving besides the sole fact Pleasantville is not the best place to grow up. I had horrible eczema growing up, it's cleared up a lot thanks to lots of medication from my dermatologist, but I was bullied for it. I would be isolated from my "friends" because they thought I was contagious or would spread it to them. It was brutal and because of it, I think I have learned to be nicer to everyone I meet because everyone is going through something behind closed doors.
ReplyDeleteCharacter traits are often labeled with descriptive adjectives, and some traits reveal a person’s underlying values and/or beliefs. “Niceness is a decision, a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait. People seeking to control others almost always present the image of a nice person in the beginning. Niceness is not a character trait. Niceness is an outcome-oriented behavior people put on in order to achieve or gain something.” Furthermore, niceness is not considered a character trait. I believe that the majority of the time we appear as nice in order to gain something. Starting at an early age, children tend to act nicer to their parents whenever they want something in return. Children do this because they know if their good energy reflects off their parents’ energy then they will be in a good enough mood to give in and give their child what they’re asking for. Have you ever said something nice to someone and their response is, “what do you want?”? Personally, I have received that response multiple times. This turns into a consistent act that we bring with us into adulthood that we when we want something. That something could vary from a physical object (maybe we’re nice because we want a raise from our boss) or to some type of feeling we want to create (maybe we’re nice because we want to gain respect from our boss). In some cases people don’t expect to physically gain something, but maybe they only expect to gain something for themselves. Maybe they’re hiding something. I often do this myself.. I put on a front hoping that no one can see the pain that I’m going through. I appear nice and happy to avoid talking about the negative feelings that occur. I also do believe that when an individual wants to control someone they put on a fake personality in order to sway their target to get them to do what they want done. If they don’t make a good impression and appear trustworthy, then no one would potentially follow them and do what they say to do.
ReplyDeleteBeing nice is something that will help you reach the top of the social ladder. If you're nice to people, they could stick around to have that positive vibe around them. Sometimes though, if you're nice to the wrong people, they could take that was an advantage and use you for your niceness. If you're not polite to people, you can get high on the social ladder, but for the wrong reason. You will be up there because you will be the talk of everyone's conversations as a rude selfish person. Being the top of the social ladder as friendly or positive, is something I look to be and look to have the people I associate to be. I think that being nice is a personality trait because when were all i like 4th grade we had to state some facts about ourselves and we used those kind of traits. Fast, skinny, nice, smart, things along that nature. If you had a rough child hood or you weren't raised to be the nicest, I believe that you won't be the nicest person now in high school. the again, some people go their own ways and can want a restart from where they were before. They might have not had a good elementary school experiences that could have turn them rude. Then they come to realization that they are being a snob and they will try to have a restart or new beginnings. At some point everyone will have to be nice, weather it is fake or not. Many places you have to be nice such as a job interview, I am pretty sure no one wants to make a rude first impression upon a new person, and other situations. A lot of people can be two faced, nice one second and then the next talk crap about you. But that is apart of life, apart of high school and learning not to associate with those people. I appear nice and approachable because I would't want people going around saying bad things about me and I was also not raised to be a snob. When someone is feeling down, maybe the ruder people change to help them feel better, or they want to show their true colors and leave them upset. Sometimes people might not even now that they are being rude, they might just think it is their everyday thing that others think isn't friendly. I don't see why people like to be rude though. Even if you had a rough past you can change for the better.
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ReplyDeleteI believe niceness is a decision which some only use as a strategy of social interaction to gain something, but I also believe it is a character trait. I was always raised to be nice to others and so I feel like I have it as a character trait, as others do too. But I also believe there are two sided in this world, they put on a front that they are nice but it’s all just for social interaction. Some people are nice to gain something from someone else. They put on a nice front for a job, teacher, or a specific person they want to like them, which would result in a gain (a job) for that person. You can show up and act nice at your interview but could be the rudest person there. Many people take kindness for an advantage and others are simply raised to be nice. I think almost everyone is raised to be nice and some take it in more than others. I try to be nice to everyone whether it’s the first time I met them or i’ve always known them, but that’s my choice. I want to be nice so others are nice to me and so people don’t think of me as a bad mean person, because I’m not. I do find it a character trait for me because I don’t use it as an advantage. I do it because I think there’s no reason not to be nice and it’s just my nature (trait) to be nice because of my parents. Others choose not to be nice for whatever reason but they may still be nice somewhere inside. I think we all have used being nice as an advantage to something, such as being super nice to your parents so they let you hangout with your friends. But others use kindness in worse ways to get things they want. But at the end of the day we all have emotions and niceness isn’t what we are all thinking at all times. So, It’s hard to say who has it as a character trait and who doesn’t, but I would say with the world today, majority probably choose to be nice when they want to as a social interaction.